Who let the dogs out?

Mitt Romney is out of the race. Sucks for the Democrats. But at least we won't have to address anyone as "President Willard Romney."

God damn, he's like the whitest guy ever.

Fun with Microsoft Paint

I freely admit these aren't very good, but they were fun to do, if nothing else. So here, I present to you, Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney.

Or should I say...

Woody Huckpecker?

And...

Mitt - The Axe Body Spray Girl.

No one said they were funny.

Why Giuliani and Romney Make Couches Happy

Because they lie a lot. From the Caucus at the New York Times:

Truth squadding the most contentious point of the debate last night, Michael Cooper, the Times’s City Hall budget reporter during the end of the Giuliani administration, notes:

In defending his fiscal record, Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani said that during his tenure as mayor of New York City, spending declined. But he said that it declined on a “per capita” basis, meaning that the city’s population grew faster than its spending. But an analysis by the Citizens Budget Commission, an independent group, found that during his two terms, Mr. Giuliani increased city expenditures by 13.7 percent, when adjusted for inflation.

And Mr. Giuliani boasted, as he often does on the campaign trail, that he cut taxes 23 times as mayor. But fiscal monitors have noted that in doing so, Mr. Giuliani takes credit for some tax cuts that he did not initiate – including cuts made by the state.

And Michael Luo, the Times’s reporter covering Mitt Romney, notes that Mr. Romney’s claims are subject to debate, too.

Fiscal conservatives offer mixed reviews of Mr. Romney’s record as governor of Massachusetts. He contends that he kept a campaign promise not to raise taxes, even as he successfully closed a $3 billion budget gap.

But even though he did not make any broad-based tax increases, Mr. Romney increased fees by $500 million and closed corporate tax loopholes, which critics argue amounted to tax increases on corporations.

Mr. Romney also touts the fact that he sought to reduce the state’s income-tax rate from 5.3 percent to 5.0 percent, but he was stymied twice by the state legislature.

And, for those of you who are sports fans, here is why Mo Vaughn left the Angels (hint, it's 9/11).

Romney - You stupid asshole

Listen Mitt,

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I wouldn't support you if you were a Democrat, but here's a tip: When you're trying to win an election, holding up a "No to Obama Osama and Chelsea's Moma" sign is a really, really, really fucking stupid thing to do. I'm going to pretend it didn't happen, and, instead, I'm going to imagine that you grabbed the sign away and beat that woman over the head with it.

Okay, so you want to believe that Jesus visited the US and the Garden of Eden is somewhere in Missouri. That's fine. Knock yourself out. I'm not going to make any references to Scientology or anything. I promise. But let's go ahead and pretend that the fascism in your religion doesn't make you a bigot too. The next time you want want support from some racist idiot in South Carolina, you may as well go all out and kick puppies. I'm serious. Their votes matter too. There are like... 6 or 7 puppy kicking Republicans that would REALLY be impressed if you just took that baby dog and drop kicked it like 50 yards.

Idiot.

Romney a Douchebag?

Mitt Romney, in an effort to appeal to conservatives Republicans Philanthropists, has decided to donate his entire presidential salary to charity - showing once and for all that Mitt Romney has a shitload of money more money in tax breaks than he would make as president perfect Republican presidential credentials. Yep, he's just like your average Joe. I can hear his next talking point now:

Hello Conservatives. I am just like you. I don't use big words like "Polysyllabic" and "Sesquipedalian," and I certainly don't exacerbate my quandaries exponentially similar to that of the alternative candidates.

Sounds like a winner, Mitt.

Mayor Calls for Impeachment, Romney Stops Calling Him

Ah, Mitt. How little we know about you. In Utah (home to many Mormons like Mitt Romney), a mayor by the name of Ross (Rocky) Anderson has become a loud voice for the impeachment of "President" George W. Bush.

But unlike every other intelligent person in America (get it? get it?) what makes Rocky special is that he is close friends with Mitt Romney.

Correction: he was close friends with Mitt Romney. Romney, who met Mr. Anderson while helping organize the Salt Lake City Olympic games, has decided that their friendship has become more surface level.

"He was a mayor that worked well with me during the Olympics, and I supported his work as a mayor," said Romney, "I do not endorse or support his views on President Bush or almost any other issue, particularly that's unrelated to being a mayor."

Read the full article here.

While Romney's cowardice to discuss the failures of our current "president" are nauseating, he is right about one thing. Being a mayor is not the same thing as being a national politician.

Giuliani? Anyone?

Romney Off to a Roaring Stop

I may have used that title before.

Mitt Romney had a speech today appealing to conservatives... I will pause here for both your "shock" and "awe."

Although receiving an uncharacteristic amount of applause after his exit, his speech was followed up by Ann Coulter - known in liberal circles as the conservative succubus. Now, given the popularity of Coulter in Conservative and Satanic circles, you'd think this would be a good thing for the relatively unknown candidate.

Ah, but then you don't know Coulter.

After Romney's speech, Coulter decided it would be hilarious to refer to John Edwards as a "Faggot."

Oh, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA - He's a gay epithet. That joke is hilarious. Wow. Did you think of that all by yourself? What an original and funny quip! Wow. You must be brilliantly witty to think of such a clever one-liner. What a delightful and clever witticism. Wow. You should really do stand up. Really. I mean you are just so funny.


From Mediainfo:

NEW YORK In recent years she has suggested that Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore have or may have homosexual tendencies. Now columnist/author Ann Coulter has targeted former senator (and current candidate for president) John Edwards.

Speaking today at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference CPAC) in Washington, D.C., Coulter closed her remarks with: “I was going to have a few comments on the other Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, but it turns out you have to go into rehab if you use the word ‘faggot,’ so I -- so kind of an impasse, can’t really talk about Edwards.”

Audience members appeared startled, then many clapped, and she opened the floor to questions. The event was carried on C-SPAN.

Democratic Party chief Howard Dean weighed in later: "There is no place in political discourse for this kind of hate-filled and bigoted comments. While Democrats and Republicans may disagree on the issues, we should all be able to agree that this kind of vile rhetoric is out of bounds. The American people want a serious, thoughtful debate of the issues. Republicans -- including the Republican presidential candidates who shared the podium with Ann Coulter today -- should denounce her hateful remarks."

Even Michelle Malkin's website is on our side on this one:

The remarks also drew disapproval from some conservative commentators, such as Michelle Malkin. At her Hot Air site, in addition, regular "Bryan" wrote: "I’m no fan of John Edwards, but that’s just a stupid joke. It’s over the line. The laughter it generated across the room was more than a little annoying.
Last year it was 'raghead.' This year it’s calling John Edwards a 'faggot.' Two years in a row, Coulter has finished up an otherwise sharp CPAC routine with an obnoxious slur that liberals will fling at conservatives for years to come. Thanks, Ann."

We should all thank Ann Coulter for her spiteful, curiously homophobic (see: Ted Haggard) words all but guarantee that Romney can't win. So McCain is too old, Giuliani too liberal and now Romney too defamed. I can't wait to see what happens to Sam Brownback.