The Return of Anti-Republican Presidential Poetry - Mike Huckabee

It's been a while, but with the races heating up, the anti-Republican presidential candidate poetry is back! This time we will be doing Mike Huckabee. Click here to see other candidates and PLEASE feel free and submit your own.

The first type of poetry we will use is called a "Tyburn" - It is a 6 line poem that uses 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9, syllables, where: "The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables." (www.shadowpoetry.com)

Here goes:

Inane
Campaign
Mundane
In Vain
Stuck on an inane campaign trail
Will become a mundane "in vain" tale


The second type of poetry for Mike Huckabee is called "Minute Poetry." Also from Shadowpoetry.com: "The Minute Poem is rhyming verse form consisting of 12 lines of 60 syllables written in strict iambic meter. The poem is formatted into 3 stanzas of 8,4,4,4; 8,4,4,4; 8,4,4,4 syllables. The rhyme scheme is as follows: aabb, ccdd, eeff"

NeoCons don't care about poor
They slam the door
They shut their blinds
They close their minds.

Huckabee thinks that they will change
And that is strange
They are brainwashed
Their thoughts are squashed

The Baptist has no chance in hell
So wish him well
Because he'll lose
To dumb-ass views.

There we go. Remember to click on the link on the top of the page to see any other anti-Republican poetry and to submit your own.

Anti-Republican Poetry: Mitt Romney

For the next entry into the anti-Republican Presidential Poetry collection, we have former Governor of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney. For Romney, I am going to allow two kinds of poetry. First is a type of poetry called "Rispetto." It is an Italian rhyming poetry that rhymes ABAB-CCDD - meaning that the first and third lines of the first stanza rhyme, as well as the 2nd and 4th. But the first and 2nd of the second stanza rhyme as well as the 3rd and fourth. Also (and here is the difficult part) it usually and strictly has 11 syllables per line (called iambic tetrameter). An example:

Somewhere in Massachusetts, sits a Mormon
With bright, colorful Presidential daydreams,
Hoping that New England's liberal women
Ignore his NeoCon flip-flopping speech themes

Once he was pro-choice, with bipartisan dotes
Now he has changed for Evangelical votes
What kind of a prick would switch and not explain
That is, of course, besides Senator McCain

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I will also offer an easier type of poetry. It is called a Tetractys. It is simpler. It is like the British form of a Haiku. Each line has a set number of syllables, and it is much shorter. The syllable structure is 1, 2, 3, 4, 10. Feel free and give it a title to make more sense. An Example:

Why a Moderate Can't Win
Mitt
Will Lose
One Reason
Conservatives
Dislike those who once supported gay rights

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Good luck! And PLEASE remember to submit other anti-Republican poetry to this site, by clicking on the "Contribute" link at the very top of this webpage underneath the banner. Email the page to everyone you can think of who would enjoy contributing.

Anti-Republican Poetry: Rudy Giuliani and Sam Brownback

I decided not to waste Haikus on Frist, since he is not running for president in 2008. Instead, I think I will put up Haikus again as an option for two polar opposite presidential nominees. Sam Brownback, the ultra conservative from Kansas and Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York and likely the most liberal Republican candidate since McCain sold out. Feel free and continue to contribute to the Frist Haikus if you wish, and please contribute to the McCain Limericks as he is the only Republican candidate we can almost guarantee will run. The guidelines for submissions can be found by clicking on the link on the top of this page.

My own personal submissions for Brownback and Giuliani Haikus:

Senator Brownback:

Kansas Advocate
For Intelligent Design
What An Idiot

and Giuliani:

A New York Mayor
Only Did One Thing Ever
And Hates the Homeless

Just for kicks I will come up with another one for Giuliani. I'm not much of a poet, so my previous Haikus have been less abstract. Here is my try at abstract for Giuliani:

A Broken Flower
But A Miracle to Bloom
9/11 Saves

John McCain Limericks - Republican Poetry

In the style of “There once was a man from Nantucket” this posting is dedicated to the future presidential nominee for the Republican Party. Feel free and Submit any Limericks about Senator John McCain, in a style similar to the following:

There once was a Senator from Arizona
Who’d been moderate since the primaries were over.
He once got things done
Til they said he could run
And now he’s a conservative boner.

You get the idea. All clever submissions will be put on this page, along with your name if you wish.

Interactive Game!

We're going to play a game - It's called "Let's Make a Poem." We're going to start with someone who has recently dropped out of the Presidential race, which is unfortunate, because he would have lost.

I invite everyone to create Bill Frist Haikus and post them to this entry, Haikus should be written similar to this:

A Former Doctor
Tennessee Republican
Looks like Frankenstein

We are using the five-seven-five syllable Haikus only.

Please refrain from unclever, inappropriate Haikus, such as:

Bill Frist is a Douche
His face looks like a penis
Why vote GOP?

Although he is a douche and his face does look like a penis, I'm limiting this to clever anti-Frist Haikus only.

Submit your own and enjoy the poems posted.

Also Coming: John McCain Limericks - Once I learn how to link to these on the webpage so that the submissions can be ongoing. Feel free and recommend how to do that.