Ken Griffey Jr.'s Jock Strap

Ken Griffey Jr. is still the greatest player ever. Come back to Seattle.

The story of "The Kid's" jock strap (hope I don't get any sick searches). Story via The Unemployed Writer.

Ken Griffey Jr. was being heckled by a Dodger fan when the Cincinnati Reds took on the LA Dodgers. Here is what the fan said on his blog:

I was going to try and get in Ken Griffey Jr's head a little bit. He had to walk right by us to get to the dugout and I just couldn't help myself. So I started with the basics: YOU SUCK..SHOULDN'T YOU BE ON THE D.L...TOO OLD FOR CENTER....that kind of stuff.

Well, by the 2nd inning he was looking right at me giving me the looks. When he walks in from the 6th inning he decided he had enough and came over to talk some smack. He called me some fat references which was hilarious and then he told me I couldnt touch the threads on his jock…

I then told him to show me what he’s got, that he talks a big game and then I told him to limp back to the dugout where he belongs and I even said some things about his Mom. I told him I might be fat, but I could still play center field:) It was an incredible exchange to say the least. After the 6th inning he walks out and stops to talk to me holding a brown paper bag in his hand. He motions to throw it to me and I told him no, I know that trick. He laughs and says catch it, so I put up my hands and he tosses it over. He wouldn’t leave until I opened it and when I finally did, the whole place erupted with laughter. Griffey throws me his jock…

The now prized jock strap owner, whose blog is here, admitted he can't win against the best player of my generation:

Everyone on the field level was having a blast watching us get into it. ... When Griffey came back in, I told him I was sorry about what said about his mom and that I wanted to make up. He shot me a grin. When he came out in the 8th he shot me another smile, and I told him he still has the greatest swing in baseball. I hope he heard me, I think he did. I love Griffey. In fact, some of my first Dodger games were because Griffey was playing and my boy was a huge fan of his in Seattle. He may be the greatest fielder of all time, but when you come to my stadium, you're fair game. I totally got into his head. He went 0-3 and finally got a little base hit in the 9th. I gave him some props for the hit.

Don't Mess with Griffey.

Ted Haggard's New Job?

The subject of this post was supposed to be a "tasted the rainbow" joke, but I lost it. Kept the title, though.

Is this news?

Texas Man Charged in Skittles Heist

A little candy can add up to a rainbow of trouble.

A man caught removing tires from a truck has been charged with stealing the tractor-trailer containing $250,000 worth of Skittles, police said.

Seven pallets of the 28 in the truck are still missing, authorities said. Alan Chavez, 22, has been charged with first-degree felony theft. It was unclear Monday whether he had a lawyer.

Chavez said he had paid someone else $500 for the truck's rims and tires, police said. The truck has an estimated value of $85,000, and the trailer's value is $30,000

White House Seeks Lying Czar

I hope the guy from the Borowitz Report doesn't mind how often I reprint his material. If you do, Andy Borowitz, let me know and I will stop. Also, if you are looking for someone to help write for you on the side, let me know as well.

From the Borowitz Report:

White House Seeks Lying Czar
Would Coordinate Distortions about Iraq, Afghanistan

The White House in recent weeks has been quietly searching for candidates for the position of “lying czar,” a high-level administrator who would oversee all distortions and misrepresentations about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, a White House source confirmed today.

News of the administration’s search for a “lying czar” raised eyebrows in official Washington, where many insiders believe that the White House already has enough personnel to handle the creation and dissemination of war-related lies.

Specifically, many insiders wonder why an administration that already has advisor Karl Rove and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice would also need a “lying czar.”

“The Bush administration has a lot of world-class manpower, lying-wise,” one insider said. “This whole ‘lying czar’ thing seems like an unnecessary layer of bureaucracy.”

But White House insiders disagree, saying that those who believe a “lying czar” is unnecessary are oblivious to the overwhelming volume of distortions that are sorely in need of coordination at a high administrative level.

“On any given day, the Defense Department and the State Department will produce lies that are directly in conflict with each other, and that’s counterproductive,” one insider said. “A ‘lying czar’ would change all that.”

Professor Davis Logsdon, who holds the Clifford Irving chair at the University of Minnesota’s School of Communication, says that the need for a “lying czar” reveals certain weaknesses in the current Bush cabinet.

“When I hear that the White House is looking for a lying czar, one thing becomes clear,” Dr. Logsdon said. “They really miss Rumsfeld.”

Elsewhere, responding to criticism, the National Gardening Association said it would no longer use the term “hoe.”

Why My Coffee Addiction is Okay

From Psychology Today:

Decaf: The Next Disorder?
Caffeine withdrawal merits a listing in the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, but research shows it can also have some positive health benefits.

Should a slip in the daily routine prevent you from quaffing your "cup of ambition," you probably don't need a caffeine researcher to tell you what will happen next -- you will start to feel sick.

So sick, in fact, that caffeine withdrawal merits inclusion in the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM, the official roster of psychiatric maladies, according to a review of 170 years of research.

What's next on the list: "bad seafood syndrome" or "chocolate fever"? Roland Griffiths, professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins Medical School and the study's lead researcher, says the proposal is no joke. While some have argued that psychiatry pathologizes normal human predicaments, he believes caffeine withdrawal's inclusion in the DSM will help physicians and psychologists be sensitive to its sometimes debilitating symptoms. Java addicts and Diet Coke fiends may suffer more than the usual headache and fatigue, he insists. Depression, irritability or even flu-like nausea and muscle pain can result when users are denied their fix, even if they normally sip just one cup per day.

And while coffee addicts fervently attest to caffeine's benefits, and claim they can't greet coworkers or turn on their computer without it, Griffiths says that's the addiction talking. As their tolerance to the stuff increases, the stimulatory effects diminish. Eventually, morning java just staves off withdrawal.

Despite having christened a new disorder, Griffiths doesn't think there is anything wrong with caffeine dependency, unless you are pregnant or suffer from anxiety or heart problems.

A Bad Rap

A few cups a day may do more good than harm. Moderate coffee drinkers are at decreased risk of Type 2 diabetes, gallstones and colon cancer. They also show improved cognitive function and develop fewer cases of Parkinson's disease.

Yeah, that's right, coffee helps you. Take that - every person whose every told me it didn't. Psshhh.

Quick News

News of the week:

# Libertarian Ron Paul apparently "won" the Republican presidential debate. His twin brother, the Cryptkeeper, remains unconvinced.

# According to newly surfaced tax records, Rudy Giuliani once donated money to Planned Parenthood. Republicans quickly aborted any his chances at the presidency.

# Six incredibly stupid terrorists videotaped themselves practicing to kill U.S. troops, went into a shop and tried to have it copied to DVD. They have been arrested. The seventh member, unfortunately, is still president.

Meet Farfur, the Palestinian Brainwashing Mouse, from the Unhappiest Place on Earth

I wish this were fake.

From YouTube:

I don't care how anti-Israel you are, this is some pretty sick shit.

AP -

"You and I are laying the foundation for a world led by Islamists," the cartoon character squeaked on a recent episode of the show, which is titled, "Tomorrow's Pioneers."

"We will return the Islamic community to its former greatness, and liberate Jerusalem, God willing, liberate Iraq, God willing, and liberate all the countries of the Muslims invaded by the murderers."

Children call in to the show, many singing Hamas anthems about fighting Israel.

News articles about Farfur: Here, here, and here.

------------------------

Update: 3:00 PM - I have seen a few reports that the translation might be fake. I'd be a bit surprised since the AP broke the story, but anything is possible. Has anyone else heard anything?

Zero the Kamikaze Squirrel

Actual beginning of the Super Nintendo game titled "Zero, the Kamikaze Squirrel":

Overview:
The evil lumberjack, Jacques le Sheets is chopping down Zero's home forest, Stony Forest, to print paper money off of stolen plates. His love, Amy has given him the information from telegram also stating that Jacques has her father as well. Ektor doesn't want Zero to leave, but Zero knows what's important and leaves to save his forest. Using various items at your whim and nifty swooping and jump attack you can get back to your forest ad rescue what's left!

Directions:
Use your squirrel swooping and jumping attacks along with your ninja stars to kill enemies in your path to save your forest that is in danger. Look for doors that inflate to enter secret caverns for tons of helping items. Grab candy, ice cream and coins for a better score. Gain Z's for life and find ninja stars for more throwing stars! Stock wisely!

Video Games used to be so cool.

Videos from YouTube

Here we have our "President", George W. Bush, spewing another one of his classic Bushisms by referring to the queen of England as over 200 years old.

From YouTube:

The British are none too happy. Link the Guardian article.

Meanwhile, I haven't done a good job plugging the video I made. So here it is again below. Please support your fellow blogger by giving it 5 stars on YouTube and putting it on your blog or Myspace or whatever. I need the stars to give it some authority on YouTube. It's no Paris Hilton Sex tape, but I'd appreciate the exposure.

Thanks. The video:

Limbaugh and Imus

This is more proof that NeoCons are racist.

From the Seattle Times:

Limbaugh draws fire on Obama parody

WASHINGTON — Weeks after radio personality Rush Limbaugh began airing a parody song, "Barack, the Magic Negro," about Sen. Barack Obama's popularity with many white voters, it is drawing fire from critics who say it is racist.

The audio clip features a comedian imitating the singing voice of the Rev. Al Sharpton, bemoaning Obama's popularity with whites who will, the lyrics predict, "vote for him and not for me 'cause he's not from da hood.

I remember Michelle Malkin on Fox claiming that there is a double standard in the media, because if a conservative was racist, they would be fired, while if a moderate/liberal was racist (Imus) they would get to keep their job.

Remember that.

George Bush's Dumbass Head on a String

This is an air freshener of Bush. It hangs on my rear view mirror. There's nothing too spectacular about it except every time you walk towards your car and see this hanging through your window, it is fun to say "Hey, it's George Bush's Dumbass head on a string."

The photograph links to the amazon sales site. It costs like 2.99 if you want to pick one up for yourself. Smells pretty good too.

Michelle Malkin Vs. Shabazz

I don't know the background, I don't really care. But I found this on YouTube. It's a guy named Shabazz (Shabazz?) Calling Malkin a political prostitute.

I'm a little disappointed, though, that people keep stealing my one-liners. I used the phrase "Political Prostitute" over 126 days ago. Thanks to technorati for allowing me to search my own site. I also used the phrase "Conservative Concubine" so if you hear that on the news, that person is stealing my phrase too. Hooray for alliteration.

News from the Smaller Blogs

Here are some recent posts by some smaller liberal blogs:

• Uncomfortably Numb encourages congress to impeach Cheney first.
• From the Back of The Pew writes about her thoughts on Imus, Hillary Bashing, and Chris Matthews.
  
• Impleader writes about the White Man's Burden (a poem).
• What Goes Around (The Offering) writes about being a good mother.
  
• Show me the rules writes about "insulting Islam" - a piece about searching for the word "Islam" on Google News.
  
• Political Artwork - There is no specific post that is impressive, because the entire site is interesting. They (he? she?) shows a photograph and make it political. Photos like this:
• Teresa's two cents writes about a heartless crime against children.
  
• The Passionate Center supports the troops.
  

I plan to do more posts like this. If you're a liberal leaning blog, big or small, you should try to support the less well-known blogs as well. It seems unfair that, say, DailyKos will only re-post or discuss things from Talking Points Memo. Everyone knows about those two blogs. They monopolize themselves.

Republican Presidential Debate: Reagan Count

So the final tally: The phrase "Ronald Reagan" was spoken by the Republican candidates a surprisingly low 17 times. The word "Reagan" was uttered during the entire debate a total of 29, but that included "Mrs. Reagan", "Reagan Library" and any time it was spoken by Chris Matthews.

I have to admit, I'm surprised at the low Reagan turnout. Although euphemisms are not included in the final number, and there were a few of those.

Rudy Giuliani preferred to hear a different phrase:

"When you had this debate last week and all the Democrats were up here, I never remember the words 'Islamic fundamentalist terrorism' being spoken by any of them."

You're right, Giuliani. Because unlike the Republicans - and really, unlike all the non-mayor candidates - they run on more than one platform, with things like "ideas" and "plans" for the American people. You, Mr. Mayor, have nothing. And this may come as a surprise, but trying to scare the crap out of people - sadly, not an actual plan for America. Good campaign strategy, it did work in 2004. But no, it's not a plan.

I look at the candidates and I think to myself:

"I wish I had a paper bag to throw up in."

God damn, that mission is so freakin' accomplished

In fact, it's so accomplished that he's changed his title from "The Decider" to "The Commander Guy."

Yes it has been over four years now since "Mission Accomplished" and Iraq has been thanking us with Firecrackers ever since. I wish there was more news on this, but it has been its own ironic cliche for almost... well... 3 years and 10 months now.

So instead, I'm going to show you a picture of a Cowon A2:

Sweet.

Luckily Iraq is not the only thing on trial. With the recent story about Alberto Gonzales's aid Monica Goodling hiring people based on their political views (illegal), as well as Wolfowitz's blunder, we may experience one of the first political failure eclipses. Their incompetence will all align at once, and the United States will be covered in darkness.

Just like Bush's first day in office.

Should we call this "MissionAccomplishedgate?"

"The question is, 'Who ought to make that decision, the Congress or the commanders? As you know, my position is clear – I’m the commander guy."
---George W. Bush

If You're Looking For Me You Can Find Me On the Block Disobeying the Law...

...A real "g" thoroughbred from the streets pants sagging with my gun in my drawers.
-Akon


It would suck if your name was "Resident." You wouldn't know what mail was yours.