The Times, Post Intelligence

Horrible Thing The Administration has Done
Subtitle in italics clarifies why we should be outraged

City, Date - Within a time period after the September 11th attacks, a branch of the government did something completely illegal, according to unnamed sources.

The sources, who chose to be anonymous for a stock reason, told the Times Post-Intelligence that under a presidential order signed on some date, the president or another administration official ordered something done to the American people under the guise of 9/11 and terrorism.

"This will outrage the American people," said an administration official close to someone of relevance in the white house, "and so we had to keep it quiet. It was given no oversight." No senior administration officials could be reached for comment.

Caucasian Republican leader of Red State assured the times that "Safeguards were in place to prevent unethical things from happening that obviously happened anyway but we're denying."

But important and slightly more diverse but likely still Caucasian Democratic official told the Times "This is a sad day for America."

"America will not stand by and allow this to happen. We are determined to try and make it look as if we are going to hold the administration accountable only to give up since we can never have a 60% majority and we are also complete pussies. We will hold hearings sometime to deal with this maybe."

Asked about when hearings will take place, the Democratic official responded: "Right away and/or close to elections, if at all."

Some old guy, a professor of something other than art or communications at a prestigious but liberal east coast university, said that while there is some precedent for this to take place, without the proper oversight it will easily be abused and violate the rights of the American people.

"I have never heard anything like this before, and I'm shocked although I'm really not because I'm not an idiot and expect things like this from the administration on a semi-daily basis."

A director of some sort of human rights group and likely a woman to offset all the male politicians was "Some word for pissed that is not too harsh" by the program's existence.

"I am speechless."

Although questions of its legality have surfaced, the administration has shown no signs of halting the program while it awaits formal hearings, siting its necessity in combating terrorism.

"This program has already managed to foil several terrorist plots that the public is unaware of and there is no documented evidence of it foiling. " Said the administration official. "Without it, these foiled plots will go unfoiled, and America will be in danger."

Asked if this would change anyone's opinion about possible impeachment, Caucasian Democrat responded: "Like I said, we're pussies. But we'll certainly hint about it while it is still unpopular."

A white house spokesperson is likely to lie about it at a public news conference by the end of the week.