Monday, July 28, 2008

C.R.E.A.M. - Conservatives Rule Everything Around Me

Monica Goodling was not so good. In her time working for Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Ms. Badling did the following:

...conducted extensive searches on the Internet to glean the political or ideological leanings of candidates for career positions, the report found. She and other Justice Department supervisors would look for key phrases like “abortion,” “homosexual,” “guns,” or “Florida re-count” to get information on a candidate’s political leanings.

That is a no no, Ms. Goodling. A "naughty," as it were. And while this may be tough for your clearly brilliant political mind to grasp, doing a naughty is going to get you in troubly wubsies. Hopefully you get firedy wiredsies from every jobsy wobsies you get in the futuresy wutursies due to your incompetency wompetencies.


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Well You Done Done Me and You Bet I Felt It

Jealous that the black guy gets more attention than he does, Jorge Bush Jr. decided to give a speech of his own. After crying for an hour in his dressing room about how people keep picking on him, the younger George got on stage and tried to copy Barack Obama's speech about hope roughly as verbatim as Obama's Mario Cuomo speech (of, to, we). No one cared.

In other news, Republicans decide that the Internet is totally awesome and a great way to pick up some mad cash, yo. Now they've got this awesome thing that totally works. All you need to do is put their toolbar on your browser and you are officially a better American! Also the RNC gets a few pennies every time you make a search using their toolbar. But more importantly you are a better American!!! (Note: Not a tax write-off)

Finally, Fox News photoshops the photos of Democrats and liberal activists they are talking about or have to interview in order to make them look uglier. Ironically, Sean Hannity still looks like the rancid anus of opossum roadkill. You'd think they'd do something about that. Might I suggest this?

Is Barack Obama president yet?

I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait I'm sure
There's no need to complicate
Our time is short
this is our fate, I'm yours

- Jason Mraz/Barack Obama

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Barack's Middle East Trip

"Like a Midnight Stroll Through the Streets of Detroit."

John McCain's last trip to Iraq involved him, surrounded by military even while in the "Green Zone." talking about how it was incredibly safe. No one cared.

Meanwhile, Obama is in Iraq and every channel is sitting, waiting, hoping for either a spectacular blunder or a whirlwind of hope they can report on.

John McCain claims that there is a Media love affair with Barack Obama. Perhaps that's true. Though what he should be asking is why there is no love affair with him? No matter how charismatic Obama is, there must be a reason that McCain is pushed aside. Why?

Probably because the media does not want to report on old white men that spew the same propaganda they have been hearing over the last 8 years. There is nothing exciting about "Stay the Course," and they get no benefit from reporting on it, because no one thinks that is a good idea anyway.

But he should not be complaining. If McCain is going to win, it's because he is not reported on. He has already made several dozen horrific mistakes that, if he had the same media coverage as Obama, he would have been called upon and look like a total idiot. Instead, when he fails to understand that there is no Iraq/Pakistan border, it is generally ignored in favor of the new kid on the block, and he gets to pretend it never happened.

John McCain is an idiot. It is much harder to like an idiot when you are constnatly reminded of his presence. He should welcome this lack of coverage and thank God every day he does not get the crap he deserves.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

What Loses the Election for McCain

There are a lot of issues that could lose this election for John McCain.

  • There is Iraq, where he advocates a failed system.
  • There is foreign policy, where his theories are the intellectual equivalent of shooting people that walk near his lawn.
  • There is gay rights, where he was for it, then against it, then for it only when people who were also for it were near him.
  • There is abortion, where he was pro choice, then not pro choice, then pro choice only when people who were also pro choice were near him.
  • There is age, where his face is beginning to look like an adult diaper, and he probably also wears one.
I am inclined to think, however, that this story may be the story that does him in if it is properly utilized. It is that John McCain cashes his social security checks, totaling up to 20,000 dollars per year, while his wife made 6 million dollars last year and he himself made almost 200,000. And, in spite of taking that excess money from the government, he continues to say that Social Security is a failed system.

While anyone will admit there are problems with social security, most of those problems are the result of Republican politicians. And if he believes that social security is bleeding the government of money, perhaps he should, say, turn down Social Security benefits which he has the absolute right to do since he has 6.2 million dollars as of this past year alone.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Josh Hamilton.

Wow. Just... Wow.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Today, I had a shotgun in my face

I jumped a fence to see if I could bother a friend of mine (his fence, his house). It was 2 in the morning. No one else is awake. The next door neighbor jumped out of his window and pointed his shotgun at me. I had to explain my presence.

Retards should not be allowed guns. I should not have to explain myself to a fucking idiot with a shitty job, because another fucking idiot decided that he needed to protect his neighbor's yard with a gun that could kill 3 people with one shot, even though he had no fucking idea what was going on and it wasn't his fucking house.

Fuck the NRA.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Short Vacations

Every day we come up with new technological advances meant to make our jobs easier.

- The amount of vacation time people get is shrinking.

- People work more per week per job now than they did previously.

Explain to me how this works...

Monday, July 7, 2008

The Fourth

At Gasworks park, we were so close to the fireworks that ashes were flying into our eyes. July 4th has never seemed like a patriotic day, despite how much the entire holiday is based on patriotism, but these past few years have been especially lacking in USA pride.

One of the reasons that Barack Obama's oratory ability is actually an important aspect of his presidential candidacy is because we need him to help bring the patriotism back so that it is possible to remember the good in this country again. Bush ruined that, and despite how much we may still care about the country (otherwise we would not care who got elected in November) there is a difference between caring about the country and being patriotic. It's going to take more than simply a good president to bring that back. It is going to take someone that can incite patriotism - like a movie character that helps his compatriots band together.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Stephen Colbert's Project - Make John McCain Exciting

More of these videos are being released daily, and Stephen Colbert is showing them on the Colbert Report, but this one was particularly hilarious and needs to be appreciated by as many people as possible.