Saturday, December 30, 2006

The Abusive Lesbian Nun

With the execution of Saddam Hussein, a whole lot has not happened. We haven't completed the war, we haven't solved the Shiite, Sunni conflict, and we haven't stepped foot in Darfur. So I consider it a slow news day.

Continued from my previous post, the tirade continues below:

14) Ann Coulter - You're like elephantiasis. You're a worm that enters my lymph nodes through food and makes my testicles swell with toxic fluids. Your only redeeming quality is that you're already a sandy vagina, so there are no surprises in the bedroom. At least you don't have spawn.
15) Michelle Malkin - What a waste. So pretty, and yet, so wrong about everything. Luckily, I wouldn't need to hear you speak. I could just listen to Republican propaganda on repeat and I have basically your entire half of the conversation.
16) George Allen - Let me tell you how shocked I was to find out that a prominent member of the Republican party was racist. I macacan't control my surprise.
17) Conrad Burns - So... how's that super secret plan that going?
18) Kansas - ... that's all.
19) Members of the College Republicans - Daddy paid for college, daddy paid for your car, daddy brainwashed you to be a closed minded closet homosexual. If you have school loans, you support a democratic government. Period. Sorry to burst your incredibly small bubble.
20) People who walk up escalators - Why? They bring you up to where you're going. It's like walking towards the front of the plane because you hope it will get you their faster. The escalator carries you to your destination. That's their job. If you're walking up them, why did you not just take the stairs? Did you need the additional 3 seconds you save?
21) People who are against gay marriage - Stop blaming the gays because you're stuck in a crappy relationship. It's your fault for marrying a fellow Republican.
22) Apolitical people - So... your not voting killed about 3000 people in Iraq. Good job. At least the Republicans took time out of their day to make their poor decision.
23) Flip Murray - You're a ball hog. Stop dribbling and pass. If you're even in the game, it's because you've already lost.
24) Fox News - Simply taking away the "liberal bias" from your station doesn't make you moderate, objective news. I do admit there is a liberal bias in the media, it's called "Reality" and it's blatantly anti-Republican.

The list will continue sometime in the future. Keep your comments coming.

Friday, December 29, 2006

Finally - A Post Not About Iraq

This blog has only been about Iraq recently, but that is unintentional because I care about politics in general, not simply the failed administration. Because of this, I'm going to post a lot of gripes below:

  1. John McCain - I don't appreciate Senators who sell their soul to idealistic fascists only to get a nod from Evangelical leaders. You were once considered the "Maverick Moderate" and now, you're more of a political prostitute. I also want to reiterate that I still would not have voted for you because you are a Republican. There is no such thing as voting "for the candidate." It's impossible, because with a two party system the candidate is almost meaningless. Bush may be the worst president ever, but it's his conservative and Republican policies that screwed up the country, not the stupid smirk he has when he is giving a speech on the problems in Iraq. So no, even if he were still Moderate, I don't vote for people who believe cutting taxes is how you save a failing economy.
  2. Ralph Nader - Your whole platform is "I'm not a Republican or a Democrat." Almost anyone who voted for you in 2000 only voted for you not because you are a good candidate but because they don't like the Democrats and the Republicans because the represent the evil government. Sorry, but you haven't shown me he can do anything other than complain. Plus, your face looks funny. If your face is posted on the dollar, it would lose even more value.
  3. Spokane, Washington - Dude, you're not important, stop making people believe Washington is a swing state just because you believe you should be making more money from your potato business. King County is the only reason this state is prosperous, Seattle has one of the most educated populations in the world, perhaps we may know more about politics than you.
  4. California - I'm serious, you voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger again? I don't know what to say.
  5. Wyoming - I don't think you deserve two senators. You can have a congressional Page at best. I heard Foley is gone so you have less to worry about.
  6. People Who Clap After Movies - That's not political it just really pisses me off.
  7. John Kerry - SHUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUP. I used to like you, but now you need to stop talking.
  8. Elizabeth Dole - You ever experience that burning sensation in your anus after you had too much spicy foods the night before? I feel that every time I see you talking. Stop ruining life for the people who still have time left to live.
  9. Messianic Jews/Jews for Jesus - .......Sorry, no. Just no. My "Catholics for Vishnu" friend agrees.
  10. Sean Hannity - You'd be surprised how poor an argument tactic it is to start laughing like an idiot every time you don't know how to respond to an actual statement of substance from a Democrat. It would be demeaning, except that would imply you have some sort of value that, sadly, you don't have. Every morning when I take my dog for a walk, I think I pick you up with a plastic bag and stick you in the trash can next to the bus stop. But no, it can't be you, the contents of the bag hold more weight.
  11. Neil Cavuto - 'nuff said.
  12. Bill O'Reilly - Contrary to popular (aka your) belief, you don't matter.
  13. Jack Abramoff - You know, almost 89% of the Jewish people are liberal. Thanks for reminding us why.
The list goes on...

Police Arrest Mike Tyson - Claims Athletic Profiling

"I'll fight any man, any animal, if Jesus were here I'd fight him too."~Mike Tyson

Mike Tyson was arrested on a possible DUI and possession of cocaine. There's no joke there, it just felt like something that needed to be shared.

His voice is high enough as it is, on Cocaine he probably sounds like the Chipmunks. Theodore, not Alvin or Simon.

"My power is discombobulatingly devastating I could feel is muscle tissues collapse under my force. It's ludicrous these mortals even attempt to enter my realm."~Mike Tyson

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Bad Cat, Bad Dog, Bad President

Why not buy the whole set?

Senator Gordon Smith - The Man, The Myth, The YouTube Video

I tried to find the full speech on YouTube, but I couldn't. However, the complete speech can be found here, with a link to the speech on the senate website as well as the full transcript. MyDD has a good take on the speech as well.

He has done what few Republicans have been willing to do. He has taken responsibility, and dismissed the Republican propaganda.

"Let's cut and run. Or cut and walk."


The Republican Senator also says "I, for one, am at the end of my rope when it comes to supporting a policy that has our soldiers patrolling the same streets in the same way, being blown up by the same bombs day after day. That is absurd. It may even be criminal."

He has taken the one small step for man, one giant leap for the GOP. I'm interested to see if the dominoes continue to fall.

One of these Security Advisors is Not like the Other

One of these people is not like the other. Can you tell which one? (Hint: One is not an old white guy).

I'm still not sure why the president would trust Cheney to give him national security advice, considering he shot his friend in the face.

The meeting, which was meant to discuss the range of opinions presented about the strategy in Iraq (many of which are "You suck!") took place on Bush's ranch. Because when I think "change in middle-eastern war strategy," I think a ranch in Texas.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

The Last Few Days in Review

I'm going to go through the last few days - bullet point style:

  • Saddam Hussein is going to die within the next 30 days. Hurray for the US, we managed to kill an Iraqi. Oh. Anyway, supposedly this is a big victory for America, but this was Hussein's first trial. All the other mass murders he committed now don't get the trial they deserve. So Woohoo! George W. Bush, ex governor of Texas and king of lethal injections - yet another success. Congratulations.
  • Gerald Ford died.
  • James Brown died
  • John Edwards joins the presidential race
  • Fox News continues to suck
  • Yes another panel is going to assess Iraq - a series I expect to continue until a panel says he is doing a good job. Good luck.
  • George Bush says he reads the newspaper. Ha!
Meh, nothing funny happened this week. But I promise, future posts will be humorous. Until then, you should listen to "Overkill" by Colin Hay. It was on a rerun of "Scrubs" today.

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

John Edwards! No, Not the Psycho Necrophiliac Guy, the Good One

John Edwards will announce he is running for president this coming Thursday, says the New York Times. His aides report that he will do so in New Orleans, and use the likelihood of a slow news week to take advantage of air time.

This is exciting news for Democrats, and only thickens the race between big name presidential nominees. He is a liberal democrat from a red state. He is a multi-issue candidate who has the added advantage of the failed vice presidential run in 2004. Yes, advantage, because the blame for that loss is mostly on Kerry's shoulders.

Most people know this was coming. Edwards spent most of the last 2 years in Iowa, semi-campaigning for his books and his charities. I noticed on his blog he thanks the Iowa Democrats for their creativity during his food drive. Sucking up is the first step towards winning.

See what other blogs have to say:

I'd like to see how it works out for Edwards. I like his politics. The only problem I can see is that he shares his name with the guy who hears ghosts.
'I'm seeing a person, his name begins with a "h" sound, maybe a "g", or a "z", or a "j"'
'John Edwards?'
'Yes, John Edwards. And he is doing something in a place, it has some green, some brown. It could be outside, but it may be inside and it has wood, or concrete, or water.'
'New Orleans?'
'Yes, that's it. And he is doing something. He is yelling, he may be breathing or perhaps speaking.'
'Announcing his candidacy for President in 2008?'
'Yes, that's it! Exactly! Edwards says "hi"'
'John Edwards isn't dead.'
'Well, he almost was after 2004.'
Badum Bum Ching.

That was lame, sorry. Good luck Edwards.

DeMockeracy: Honorable Mention

I received "honorable mention" for my fake news story about Iraq being a success on I get no money, but I do get my partially abbreviated name and a link to my site, and that's something.

"Stay the Corpse" - For Once, Everyone is Excited for what Bush has to Say

For once, Republicans and Democrats alike are looking forward to hear Bush speak, however poorly, about Iraq. Why? Because for the first time in years, he is going to propose a new strategy to his failing Iraq policy.

For the first time he has gone to other sources for advice on how to win the war in Iraq. He may have guffawed at the Iraq Study Report, cachinnated (real word) at the retired generals and chortled at his Democratic critics, but for once he is going to do something different. To stop "staying the course" and start "shutting the hell up and listening to people who know what they're talking about."

Why are we happy? Because even if he calls for a surge of US troops, at least something will change. It is an acknowledgement that we've been right, he's been wrong, and to fix his "error" he needs to get off his ass, admit that despite his owning the Texas Rangers he is not qualified to make a decision about... anything, and use actual tactics instead of sending a fixed number of men and women into a violent battleground and walking away from his desk as if he were playing the Sims.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Someday we will be singing 12/25 instead of 9/11

It is 10:17 right now, and my 10 week old puppy (named Demo, as in -crat) is smacking the doorstop with his paw, frustrated it keeps flinging back, vibrating wildly.

There are a lot of death milestones that are "too high." For example, during the holocaust, an estimated 2,348 Jews died per day for 7 years. In Sudan, an estimated 366 Sudanese are killed per day in the Darfur conflict.

But in America, these numbers are were basically unheard of since 1941, when Japanese military planes bombed Pearl Harbor. That is, until September 11th, 2001, when 2,973 Americans died with the attacks on the World Trade Centers.

That number, today, has been surpassed now by the death toll in Iraq. On December 25th, Christmas day, the amount of Americans killed in the Iraq conflict has reached 2,974 - exactly 1 more than the number killed on 9/11. So for all you neocons who believed this was a war for the good of the country... Well, go screw yourselves.

A Christmas Question, from a Jewish Blogger

I think I understand the purpose of Christmas lights. They are pretty and announce either "Look how much we like Christmas!" or "Jesus, hit it here!"

So here is my question: What is the point of half-assing Christmas lights? I'll walk by houses that have maybe one string of 10 lights, 2 of which have burnt out, bordering over one window. Why? What's the point? The lights aren't a religious symbol. The lights aren't in the New Testament. It's not in the constitution (yet, Bush still has two more years). So why? It's not attractive. It doesn't beautify the city or your house. Santa can still see your chimney. If you cannot afford the lights, which is an acceptable reason for not overdoing your house, why put any up? Again, it's not a commandment. The Vatican doesn't decorate its city with red and green. So why?

Also, I have a letter for Santa:

Dear Santa,
Since I do not celebrate Christmas, I have not written you before. But this year I have a request. This year, please do not give coal to all the bad boys and girls. When coal burns, it ruins the environment and makes holes in the Ozone layer. Instead, please give something that burns cleaner, like the sun or hydrogen or some alternative form of energy. Perhaps french fry waste? I heard the made a car that runs on it. Yes, this year, please give all the bad boys and girls french fry waste. And maybe throw in a shiny red rubber bouncy ball for Bush, he's had a hard time this year. And Santa, from now on, when you ride in your Coca Cola inspired suit and deliver gifts to all the Christian and atheist -but not really- children this year, please use your electric sleigh. Please, Santa, think of the penguins.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Anti-Republican Poetry: Rudy Giuliani and Sam Brownback

I decided not to waste Haikus on Frist, since he is not running for president in 2008. Instead, I think I will put up Haikus again as an option for two polar opposite presidential nominees. Sam Brownback, the ultra conservative from Kansas and Rudy Giuliani, the former mayor of New York and likely the most liberal Republican candidate since McCain sold out. Feel free and continue to contribute to the Frist Haikus if you wish, and please contribute to the McCain Limericks as he is the only Republican candidate we can almost guarantee will run. The guidelines for submissions can be found by clicking on the link on the top of this page.

My own personal submissions for Brownback and Giuliani Haikus:

Senator Brownback:

Kansas Advocate
For Intelligent Design
What An Idiot

and Giuliani:

A New York Mayor
Only Did One Thing Ever
And Hates the Homeless

Just for kicks I will come up with another one for Giuliani. I'm not much of a poet, so my previous Haikus have been less abstract. Here is my try at abstract for Giuliani:

A Broken Flower
But A Miracle to Bloom
9/11 Saves

Forging Bipartisanship - Like Oil and Water

There are a lot of news reports dealing with the Republicans and Democrats "creating bipartisan solutions" to current problems. Specifically, Republicans claiming that during their time controlling congress, the Democrats wouldn't work with them to forge bipartisan solutions. I'd like to address this as follows:

It is impossible to form a bipartisan consensus on partisan issues. There is no bipartisan way to vote on banning gay marriage, or tax cuts for the wealthy, or flag burning, etc. These are the definition of partisan issues.

Similarly, the Democratic controlled congress is going to finally start passing pro-America legislation, like global health care and immigration reform that protects the rights of America's citizens. These are not partisan issues, and can actually come to bipartisan solutions.

We should all pay attention to the progress of the congress. Before, legislation wasn't passed because it wasn't for the good of America. If it is not passed now, it is not for lack of agreement. It is purely political.

I Had to Post This. The Governator Breaks his Leg

This is the actual New York Times article title:

Schwarzenegger Breaks Leg While Skiing

Saturday, December 23, 2006

United Nations to Iran: Stop Being Naughty or Santa Will Bring You Coal

Just a few days before Christmas and the UN approves a measure to impose sanctions against Iran, reports the New York Times. For those of you who don't know what sanctions are, they are the legal equivalent to a harsh wag of the finger. To be fair, though, it is a very vigorous wag of the finger, with an added "if you still continue this behavior, you will be in a serious time out mister." If Iran breaks the sanctions, the result is limited to non-military action. It freezes the assets of 12 Iranians involved in missile programs, as well as 10 additional companies.

Meanwhile, the civil war in Iraq continues. With each passing day more and more Iraqis find themselves in the crossfire of a war that has ruined their country. One Iraqi man, after his business fell victim to a Shiite bombing, was reported as saying "I wish the UN and America would start sending us blankets instead of voting on useless issues. We're freezing our assets off over here."

To be fair, that's not entirely true. No one ever said that. The forecast for Baghdad has a high of about 56 degrees. But the media will have you believe that the whole country is on fire, and when you fly over it, that's simply not the case. Rumsfeld was an idiot.

Combating Libel: Why Bush is a Douche, But Not Really

I believe that George Bush is a douche. Actually a douche - a feminine hygene product made with vinegar that although meant to clean the sensative area, actually irritates it. But that does not mean he actually is a douche, necessarily. Just that I believe him to be one. Similarly, my last post I called Virgil H. Goode a "known puppy kicker." While he is not a "known" puppy kicker (although, to be fair, he easily could be), he still gives off the impression of a known puppy kicker. As well as a racist Klan member with square testicles. Or were they triangle? I don't know they don't let me read past posts when I edit new ones. Either way, oddly shaped testicles. With corners. Very painful.

The point is that although they are presented as if they are fact, all (or even subtle) "facts" that end up not being true are either that to be true and not cited or satire, and if it is an insult without being cited, it is satire or opinion.

Most of what I present, however, is fact. Unless it is funny.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Virginia Congressman: Bringing the "Ku" back to "Republikun"

Known puppy kicker Virgil H. Goode, Republican of Virginia, wrote in letter to his constituents that the election of Keith Ellison, the Muslim Minnesota Democrat, "posed a serious threat to the nation's traditional values" and that Americans should “wake up” or else there would “likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran.” Quotes the New York Times. “I fear that in the next century we will have many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to prevent our resources from being swamped."

It's funny, I didn't realize "Virgil" was spelled with three K's.

To point out the letter's inaccuracies would be superfluous. But I will do it anyway. FIRST, Mr. Ellison is a converted Muslim. SECOND, he is not an immigrant. He has roots in this country since 1742, due mostly in part to him being African American, and not - as Grand Wizard, er, Representative Goode seems to think - middle eastern. THIRD, his letter was prompted because Ellison apparently wanted the Koran at his inauguration. But it is important to note that there is no Bible or Koran at the actual inauguration, because that is barred by the constitution, so the Koran would only be with Mr. Ellison at private ceremonies.

Virgil, or as he is known by Heaven, "uninvited," made no apologies for his blatantly ignorant remarks. So in the spirit of bipartisanship I will do it for him:

"I'm sorry I'm a stereotype of the Republican Party. I'm sorry my mom and my brother/dad didn't raise me to understand that America, known as a 'melting pot' of diversity, wasn't supposed to be a mixture of only vanilla and white chocolate. But most of all, I'm sorry I was born with tiny, triangle shaped testicles."

You will be forgiven in time, Virgil. But what's with yet another penis joke on my blog? That's totally un-Ku.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

People That Wish Bush Was Not President (PTWBWNP)

For those of you who do not work with NIH or NSF grants, there is new lingo in the science world: MSM - also known as Men who Sleep with Men - which is the result of homophobic legislators screening grant applications that use the term "gay" or "homosexual." Basically the "LOL" of scientists for the benefit of a conservative congress. Why? Because Republican congressman have their employees sift through the CRISP database (the public database of approved government grants) looking for grants that have "contentious wording." They take these grants (usually meant for AIDS research or some other important scientific exploration) and figure out how to use it against the population it is trying to protect (e.g. showing what grants should not be getting money so they can cut back on science spending).

Apparently terms like "gay" or "homosexual" are politically controversial. But the same could be argued about Bush and Dick... excuse me, George and Cheney. Science should not be overseen by a partisan government, because science itself is objective. When scientists have to start acronyming (my word) their research proposals to appease the biases of politicians, than someday all science will have to be acronymed, to the point where "religion" will simply be known as "R" and "intelligence" will be known as "PTWBWNP"

Monday, December 18, 2006

Why Conservative Evangelicals are the Most Bestester Ever Ever

Below, to share with you all, are quotes from "The Shepard's Chapel" - A 3 AM TV show on the international channel. The following are from Conservative Pastor Arnold Murray. If you like to know more about him, he refers to himself as "Dr." but not even his supporters know if he actually received a doctorate. More information about him is here. Apparently, he believes the Jews are the result of an affair between Cain and Satan.

Below are the quotes. Laugh at will:

"If you light a flame in a Kerosene refrigerator, it freezes the ice and makes homemade ice cream."

"If you're not pleasuring him then don't ask me why you are not blessed."

"I have been told that raisin bran is a form of idolatry."

"'I will let your rulers think like babes.' Ha! Tell me about it."

"If you are one of those fluffy ducks who is afraid of women, God would be called a liar because the women were virgins but their husbands told them to say that."

I don't know why I posted these. Probably because he called himself a "teacher." I call him a "mental transient."

New Poll Suggests 10 Out of Every 7 Iranians Struggle to Understand Statistics

Actually, 75% of Iranians hate America but 3 out of every 4 disagree. Iranian figurehead/president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad may not be as popular in Iran as the Media lets us believe. According to the New York Times, a man - whose name is long and difficult to spell, so I will cut and paste it: Ali Akbar Hashemi Rafsanjani - won a position in the 86 member "Assembly of Experts" which is similar to their congress. He won by a landslide over a close ally to Mr. Ahmadinejad.

Rafsanjani, along with 65 other more moderate candidates were elected in these past elections, and some people (at least the New York Times articles) believe this may be an indication that the Iranian President may be losing his grip only a year after being voted into office. The assembly has the power to remove the president. I wish ours had that.

Ahmadinejad recently had his own "assembly of experts" gather in Iran for a conference of "scholars" who can "prove" that the holocaust did not happen. Among these experts, former KKK grand wizard David Duke was one of these "scholars" proving that it is not just our president who makes poor decisions regarding character and credibility.

Either way, Ahmadinejad's extreme views may not represent the general feeling of the Iranians, and with any luck, our own figurehead/president won't have to start
(Part Deux)

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Fake News - Iraq a Tremendous Success!

Most of the world agrees that the war in Iraq is a disaster. However, a new group of experts has arisen that has shown the country that the war is a success, it has only been looked at from the wrong perspective.

For example, there had been rumors that there was a glass shortage. But thanks to all the explosions across Baghdad, the sand has been turned delightful and sparkling.

Entrepreneurship has become all the rage, because as the old shops begin to crumble (literally) it opens the door for energetic youngsters with a dream and little bit of cash to try their hands in business.

The civil war raging in Iraq may be tragic, but it is great for their economy. As the Shiites and the Sunni's clash, they will need cars and tanks - large SUVs to shuttle themselves to and from the war zones. And what do these modes of transportation use? Gas. The mainstay of Iraq's economy.

Iraq's growth will benefit more than just the country, but the entire world as well. Once most of the Iraqi civilians have either been killed from the war or forced into exile, the land will be free to be used for almost any purpose. It can become a giant landfill - to keep with the theme of the current state of the country - that can be the area of the world where all countries send their trash. Or it can be repopulated by a mixture of races and cultures to become "America 2 - the sand states." Whatever the United Nations chooses, it is a large area with a considerable number of possibilities, in the heart of the Muslim countries, which have long been an untapped economy for the world's businessmen.

Lastly, although America may lose the war on terror thanks to the growing number of anti-American extremists that are angry against the unwarranted invasion, the view that everyone "loses" is a fascist one - America may lose, but the terrorists have had many gains. Iraq cannot be a colossal disaster considering terrorists have profited heavily with supporters.

Thus Iraq is only a failure when you look at it from the wrong perspective, and as any intellectual will tell you, to truly understand a situation you must look at it from both sides, just as President Bush does.


Note: This is fake news. Iraq is actually a catastrophuck.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Fake News - George Bush Tells the Truth

Fake AP - 12/14/2006 - 10:17 PM

Breaking News -

In an unprecedented interview with Bill O'Reilly on Fox News on Thursday night, President George Wtf Bush tells the truth for the first time in his presidency. "I just felt it was time." Mr. Bush said. Through visible tears, Mr. O'Reilly - a conservative Republican and long time concubine to Mr. Bush's testicles - covered everything in his presidency, from No Child Left Behind to No Money Left for Children. From Domestic Spying to the War in Iraq.

"It all started," He said, when asked why he lied about the war in Iraq, "when I found out that I had the penis size of a six year old girl. I knew that the only way to give the impression of girth was to start a war, and I figured 'why not Iraq?' The whole country is made of sand, and it reminded me of making love to Laura.'"

O'Reilly, visibly shaken, tried his best to find a question that Mr. Bush could answer proudly, but to no avail. "Mr. President," he asked "What about 9/11? Surely you did not cause that?"

"Of course not! I had nothing to do with that!" Mr. Bush said, unbuckling his belt to prepare early for his daily Fox News fellatio. "In fact, even after I heard a few months earlier where, when and how it was going to happen, I made sure that I continued to have nothing to do with it!"

On the subject of the poor, Mr. Bush spit on the floor and laughed. Nothing Mr. O'Reilly's suprise, he added "Listen, there is one thing I know. I'm an American, and I'm a Republican. I may have 'experimented' with drugs and homoness in college, but my God loves me. And I know this because he told me."

Composed, Mr. O'Reilly said "yes, we all feel God's voice and that is why we know we are right."

Mr. Bush slapped him across the face. "Feel his voice? No, I mean he talks to me. Through my dog, Barney. He isn't as scary as you'd think, his voice sounds a lot like Cheney's."

"Mr. President, when you got elected in 2000, you promised the American people..."

Mr. Bush slapped him again, "When I got elected? I never got elected, don't you read the news? I thought you were a reporter. This interview is over." And he skipped towards the camera while singing it's raining men and pushed the camera away. Mr. Bush has long been credited for ruining the world.

In unrelated news, two Fox Newscasters were found dead Thursday night. Sean Hannity shot himself in his dressing room and Neil Cavuto's head exploded.

McCain's First Major Attempt to Piss of Bloggers this Election Year

John McCain has declared war on blogging. If someone posts an illegal picture or movie on a blog post, the blogger can be find hundreds of thousands of dollars for not removing it. You heard me. So if you have a blog and you don't read comments that other people place, you could be looking at fines as high as the bribes to Republican Senators.

So that is why, I'm going to post links to every John McCain blog I can find below. If he manages to pass a bill that fines bloggers for inappropriate content in their comments, let's hope these become the first to feel its wrath:

Note: If you know of illegal postings on your site, you should report it (child pornography, etc.). But it not okay to be fined because some idiot decides to post something stupid on your blog.

I hope he runs, and then I hope he loses.

Tim Johnson - Get Well Soon

When Senator Tim Johnson had his "stroke" on Wednesday (actually, it was something termed a congenital arteriovenous malformation) it brought two things into perspective. First, that the Democrats' majority in the senate is fragile, because with one less seat, Dick Cheney becomes the deciding vote in the Senate, giving the Republicans the majority. And second, it shows us that the press could not care less about the health of unknown politicians. Article after Article was titled some variation of "South Dakota Senator suffers possible stroke, Democrats may lose control of Senate." Nothing, of course, about his health or his well being.

Of course, knowing absolutely nothing about Tim Johnson, other than he's one of the few conservative democrats in the senate, I will direct you to the following blog posts:

Get well soon, D of SD

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Sonics vs. Bulls - A Metaphor

Tonight's game was a slaughter. The Seattle Supersonics fell behind the Chicago Bulls early in the first quarter and the Bulls never looked back. But although the Sonics are not the greatest team in the NBA, this loss was not their fault.

It is said never to blame the coach - That it's easy to coach when you're a spectator, because hindsight is 20/20. That is why it is taboo, especially when you are the announcer or player on the home team, to challenge or blame the coach.

Sometimes, however, the coach is wrong. Very wrong. Rashard Lewis, arguably the best player on the team, was shooting 4 for 6 with no fouls when they took him out for over 6 minutes (For those of you who do not know basketball, that's a long time for a starting player). Already down by 16 in the 2nd quarter, instead of giving the ball to the best player, they put in reserves who could barely hold on to the ball. Rookies who double dribbled and travelled almost as often as they missed their shots. Three solid starters sat on the bench as the Bulls' lead continued to increase. Finally the coach puts Lewis back in (neglecting the other two starters - for no apparent reason) and what do they do? Continue to give the ball to the two remaining rookies on the court, players who in that very same game actually managed to score a point for the other team (by going up for a rebound and hitting it into the basket) and spiked a ball with one hand out of bounds, even though there was no one around him. Despite the poor offense, the coach never changed his strategy until the Sonics were ultimately defeated, 99 to 84.

No one watching that game had any doubts. In every household in Seattle, some fan was screaming at the TV "What are you doing?! What the hell?! Take them out already! You idiot!!" over and over and over, but the coach of the Sonics, some 1,735 miles away, didn't listen. Sometimes it is the people watching the game who can see the answer. Sometimes the coach is not the objective playmaker he tries to be. Sometimes the coach needs to listen to the fans because despite him trying his best to win the basketball game, his current strategy isn't working. There won't be any victories unless he starts listening to everyone else and changes the course. Otherwise, the only thing left for us fans to do will be to get him impeached.

Fired. I meant fired.

Final Score

Frame: 1 | 2 | 3 |4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

Dems: X | X | X | X | 9/ | 9/ | X | X | 81 | XX9 | = 233
Reps: X | X | X | X | -9 | 11 | X | X | X | 4/7 | = 202

Monday, December 11, 2006

Democrat Rap

Dennis Kucinich has "announced" (to the press) that he is running for president, again. For those of you who do not remember him from the 2004 election, he is a progressive democrat representative from Cleveland, who was probably the only Democratic Nominee that Ralph Nader supported.

He will be an interesting candidate, and I'd like to see what happens with him. However, his last name is Kucinich. What happens if he becomes the greatest president ever? So popular he is placed on the new 117 dollar bill in the year 2026? Can rappers work his name into their songs.

"It's all about the Kucinich's, baby."

No... It just won't work.

"It's all about the Obamas, baby."


A Look Back, at a Republican Controlled Congress

Saturday marked the end of a Republican majority in congress. I think we should take a moment to look back at what has been accomplished over these last 12 years.

Um... Anyone? Something Accomplished? Oh, there was that flag burning amendm..... no, wait, that didn't pass. They banned gay... no, no they didn't do that. They reduced the deficit - no. Well, at least they gave tax cuts to the wealthiest 1%, which although I am firmly against, I do hope to be one someday, so that will be a nice perk.

For those of you that don't know, under the new Bush tax cut, if I make $1,000,000, I save $30,210! That's a little over 3%!!!! Or, if you're one of those poor saps who makes only 45,000 a year, you save a whopping 226 dollars! 0.50% of your total income! Fantastic! Don't even get me started on how much you save if you make only 18,000 a year (hint: 50 male deers).

Wow, totally worth ruining the entire country. Do your own math here.

But let's really do a run-down of the things the Republican majority has accomplished. They pass the prescription drug plan, which I hear the elderly have finally begun to understand the choices. They also banned partial birth abortions. Which, again, are not things. They "Canned Spam" - tell that to my yahoo account.

There was "No child left behind." Although plenty of children do have no health care, but at least they're not left behind. Instead they are "held back." Totally different.

And last, but certainly least: The Sonny Bono Copyright Term Extension Act. Thank God, about freakin' time.

I can't wait until January 4th.

Saturday, December 9, 2006

Possible Presidential Candidates 2008 - an Update

I've decided to give a rundown on possible presidential candidates in 2008, as well as talking points about their candidacy. We will start with the Democrats:

Tom Vilsack (already filed papers) - Governer of Iowa - Not a frontrunner but the first to file papers, he may be a promising candidate because Governors are more likely to be elected president, and at the moment he is one of only two Democratic Governors to show interest.

Maurice (Mike) Gravel
- (filed papers) - Former Senator of Alaska. Was a senator from 1968-1981. Quite frankly he has no chance, but it will be interesting to see what kind of following he has. Unlikely to get much financing, though and will probably drop out before the second debate.

Evan Bayh
- Senator of Indiana - Has all but filed papers annoucing his candidacy. Has the benefit of being an outspoken member of congress but none of the star power of many of the other Democrats in the senate.

Joe Biden
- Very popular Democratic senator of Delaware - well liked and progressive, he may be a popular choice for President but he has lost once before in his bid because of cheating on a test back in college - probably not going to be the nominee, which is too bad.

Wesley Clark
- Former General - A Progessive General? I plan to throw some support behind Gen. Clark. He is a progressive ex-general (four star), he's been shot... He would be an excellent nominee that no moderate Republicans could argue against. He is pro-choice, pro-union. He does not have much of a chance, but I would not be unhappy if his popularity grows. Currently he is exploring his options. He ran in 2004 and received a decent amount of financial support, but there is little buzz behind him. However, with the current situation in Iraq, he may be our best choice.

Hillary Clinton
and Barack Obama - Senators from New York and Illinois respectively. I group them together because they are the most popular of the possible candidates. Each of them would represent the first of something - the first female president or the first black president. Their popularity is not unwarranted, both of them would make excellent presidents (in my opinion), they both have strong liberal values and are charismatic speakers. However, I think in the current climate, neither of them will win. I welcome their victory, but I'd like to see them as Vice Presidential candidates.

Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico - Don't know much about him. He is a Governor, which may be a plus in his candidacy, but he is likely not going to be the Democratic pick.

Reverend Al Sharpton - If you don't know who he is by now, I can't help you. He has no chance, but the strength of his positions seems to help rally Democratic voters. So that's something.


John H. Cox - Suprise, he is a businessman with no political history (other than a few failed attempts at congress). He was the first Republican to file papers, and is seen by many as a joke, although he hosted a program called "Progressive Conservative," a radio talk show.

Michael Charles Smith
- From Oregon, he as well has no political history. He, too, has already filed papers but he does not believe he can win. He wants to get enough votes that he can spread the message about Republicans drifting too far to the right. Good luck Michael.

Sam Brownback - Senator from Kansas - Extreme Right conservative, he favors teaching intelligent design and banning all abortion and pornography. He may be too far right, even for the Republicans, to pose any serious challenge.

Rudy Giuliani - ex-Mayor of New York City - His only real accomplishment is being Mayor during 9/11. Otherwise he has not accomplished much of anything, except for trying to ship the homeless out of New York. May be too Liberal for the Republicans.

Duncan Hunter - Representitive of California - Not much of a candidate, he may also be corrupt. He was the Representitive that Slandered John Murtha by putting to the table a bill on the immediate withdrawal from Iraq and then voting against it, claiming it was Murtha's idea.

John McCain
- Senator from Arizona - Originally seen as a moderate renegade Republican who would be accepted by both sides of the aisle, he has turned out to be nothing but a conservative suck up who has changed (flip-flopped, as it were) on his more liberal positions into conservative positions, as well as caving on issues he was supposedly against, like the interrogation bill. He may be the Republican presidential candidate, and probably poses the best chance of winning in 2008, but he is no longer the respected moderate he once was.

More Republican Candidates will be coming soon.

Plugging my own stuff

Thursday, December 7, 2006

Neil Cavuto is a Wrinkled Penis

I hate Cavuto so much. He had a special on how the Iraqis stepped up violence in order to affect the 2006 election. Yes, because we all know how much warring countries like to kill their own people in order for the Democrats to win in congress. His assertions, of course, were validated by the fact that most Iraqis think the election was Bush vs. Kerry again. Man, those Iraqis must have really wanted Kerry to win.

See? We're not so different.

Excuse me, the title of this piece should have been: "Neil Cavuto is a Wrinkled Penis?"

I'm not saying that he is, I'm just saying he may or may not be a wrinkled penis.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

John McCain Limericks - Republican Poetry

In the style of “There once was a man from Nantucket” this posting is dedicated to the future presidential nominee for the Republican Party. Feel free and Submit any Limericks about Senator John McCain, in a style similar to the following:

There once was a Senator from Arizona
Who’d been moderate since the primaries were over.
He once got things done
Til they said he could run
And now he’s a conservative boner.

You get the idea. All clever submissions will be put on this page, along with your name if you wish.

Bush Receives Report: Gets F

Bush received the The Iraq Study Group Report today, which contained 79 specific recommendations on how not to "Stay the Course." Headed by Republican James Baker, the report said, in essence, everything in Iraq has thus far been a Catastrophuck (What do you get when you mix a hellhole with a Cataclysm? - Thank you John Stewart), and continuing with the president's plan will only lead to disaster. The report proposes things like a timed withdrawal (lacerating and jogging, a very different strategy than cutting and running), but acknowledges that things are so bad there, that the United States can't even consider removing troops until 2008, as well as a substantial increase in troops until then, and embedding American soldiers in the new Iraqi army.

Should the Democrats concede a year before starting troop withdrawals if it will help stabilize a failing nation? It depends, WWNCD?

(What Would Neil Cavuto Do?)

The real question remains: Does Bush care? And the answer seems to be a "Thanks for spending a lot of time of this issue, and thanks to the white house for giving me a copy of the report... It brings some really, very interesting proposals."

So no. But at least we now know he owns a book.
I'd like to add that immediately on, some neocons called it "Liberal propaganda." Yes... often bipartisan panels led by Republicans become liberal propaganda. Well, we all know that truth has a liberal bias.

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Gates says US not winning war - Three Hundred Million Americans Roll Eyes Simultaneously

Robert Gates, in a hearing today, acknowledged that the US was not winning the war in Iraq:

“Mr. Gates, do you believe that we are currently winning in Iraq?” Mr. Levin asked.

“No, sir,” Mr. Gates replied, going on to agree with the senator that a political settlement is needed to end the blood-letting, and that the United States needed to convey “a sense of urgency” to the Iraqis about reaching an accord.

Mr. Levin said Mr. Gates’s remarks amounted to a “necessary, refreshing breath of reality.”

Senator McCain pursued the point about victory being elusive. “We are not winning the war in Iraq, is that correct?” the senator asked.

“That is my view, yes, senator,” Mr. Gates replied.

“And therefore the status quo is not acceptable?” Mr. McCain pressed.

“That is correct, sir,” Mr. Gates said.

What? We're not winning? But the President said "Mission Accomplished." At last, a defense secretary who admitted we needed a change BEFORE resigning.

Something is clogging my throat. I think I may be choking on my first breath of fresh air in over three years.

Monday, December 4, 2006

Israel's War with Hezbollah

Israel released classified documents today, showing that Hezbollah intentionally hid with its civilians, who were supportive of their attacks and willingly allowed them inside their homes and schools. The videos, described here, includes clips of civilian cars carrying white flags (indicated they are not fighters) driving into populated areas, as well as interviews with three captured Hezbollah fighters who said, upon interrogation, that the Hezbollah purposefully used their civilians as human shields. In two instances, the Hezbollah fighters didn't allow the Lebanese civilians to flee. Also released was proof that the same tactics are used in the Gaza Strip and in Iraq. When a combative group purposefully attacks from within civilian areas, especially when the civilians assist them, that is a violation of war crimes that allows Israel to attack.

The war were assailed by various human rights groups and ultra liberal organizations, while applauded by the right. That's not something I like to see. Even we need to recognize that Israel is only a 50 year old government practically the size of Rhode Island that has had numerous peace treaties that they have never broken first. And that although we are against all war, there are some wars that are not as easy to explain as "Israel killed more people, thus they are the evil." Israel attacked Hezbollah targets - sometimes they missed, but they attacked viable targets. Hezbollah sent bombs into the air with no specific target. There is a strong difference of morals, and for the left wing to be respected on political issues, we need to show the rest of the country that although we are anti-war, we are not quick to judge other countries' military strategy. Especially when I hear the my own people saying that Israel is to blame, not Hezbollah - a known terrorist organization. All it does is feed Republican "Democrats support terrorism" propaganda.

This post isn't funny, sorry.

Bush Meets with Shiite Leader - Meeting Described as "Constipated"

President Bush, on what may be his first attempt at feigning diplomacy, met with a prominent Iraqi Shiite Leader today, Minister Abdul Aziz al-Hakim, or, as his friends refer to him, "The Dude." The meeting represented... well, a meeting. It was certainly a meeting. Bush's agenda was to reach out to a broader range of Iraqis in order to help heal the fragile, fledging government. Hakim, for his part, denounced any attempts at an international intervention to help his country. Thankfully, though, he may accept the help of Iran, so the meeting was a collossal success.

John Bolton Steps Down

Sadly, a man who was never elected to begin with is leaving his post at the UN, reports The New York Times. President Bush had this to say:

"I am deeply disappointed that a handful of United States Senators prevented Ambassador Bolton from receiving the up or down vote he deserved in the Senate."

True, how dare the senators bypass the respected confirmation process and send him to the UN on a loophole in the law while the senate was on Recess, thereby not allowing his confirmation to be brought to vote. How dare they. Wait...

Out of respect of Mr. Bolton, I will say our collective fairwells:

Mr. Bolton, we hardly knew yee, nor did we confirm yee, nor do we care that you're gone. Unless, wait, are you related to Michael Bolton? You are? Okay then, get the hell out.

Sunday, December 3, 2006

What's in a name?

A lot of people ask me why I chose "Librocrat" instead of "Liberocrat" which would be the correct way to combine "Liberal" and "Democrat." The reason for this is simple: "Liberocrat" is a lame word. The true reason I took on that name is it is the most common negative slang for liberal democrats. Before I created this site and my shirt selling site (and asked couple of the best bloggers to allow me links their sites - thank you), if you searched for "Librocrat" you would have found 180 webpages, all neo-con blogs using it as a term to slander Liberal Democrats. So, as with most words used negatively, the best way to change its use is to make it your own. Thus, "Librocrat" was been born.

"Designed Intelligent" is simply a cool phrase. Viva la evolution!

Presidential Candidate Vilsack

Breaking News: officially endorses Tom Vilsack for President, 2008 until - someone else decides to run. I think I am the first blogger on the internet to endorse his presidency.

As far as candidates people have heard of, Obama is testing the religious waters to see if he is as disliked as Hillary (Obama voted more liberal than Hillary in 2005), but with only two years experience, it may be difficult for him to win. According to the New York Times, Hillary Clinton has met with the other Democrats in New York, and it was leaked that it was about announcing her candidacy (finally). I think she would make an amazing president, but I don't think she'd win. Perhaps Vilsack/Clinton? Vilsack/Obama? Obama/Clinton?

Are there any other Governors who can run whose names don't sound like slang for reproductive organs?