Friday, November 30, 2007

The Return of Anti-Republican Presidential Poetry - Mike Huckabee

It's been a while, but with the races heating up, the anti-Republican presidential candidate poetry is back! This time we will be doing Mike Huckabee. Click here to see other candidates and PLEASE feel free and submit your own.

The first type of poetry we will use is called a "Tyburn" - It is a 6 line poem that uses 2, 2, 2, 2, 9, 9, syllables, where: "The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate the first, second, third, and fourth lines as the 5th through 8th syllables." (

Here goes:

In Vain
Stuck on an inane campaign trail
Will become a mundane "in vain" tale

The second type of poetry for Mike Huckabee is called "Minute Poetry." Also from "The Minute Poem is rhyming verse form consisting of 12 lines of 60 syllables written in strict iambic meter. The poem is formatted into 3 stanzas of 8,4,4,4; 8,4,4,4; 8,4,4,4 syllables. The rhyme scheme is as follows: aabb, ccdd, eeff"

NeoCons don't care about poor
They slam the door
They shut their blinds
They close their minds.

Huckabee thinks that they will change
And that is strange
They are brainwashed
Their thoughts are squashed

The Baptist has no chance in hell
So wish him well
Because he'll lose
To dumb-ass views.

There we go. Remember to click on the link on the top of the page to see any other anti-Republican poetry and to submit your own.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Is It a Dating Show or is it the Return of "The Weakest Link"?

If this does not make you laugh, please smoke Marijuana more often:

Mary Delgado, a former Tampa Bay Buccaneers cheerleader who was proposed to on the reality-TV show "The Bachelor" in season six, has been accused of punching the man who picked her, Byron Velvick, in the mouth, authorities said. Delgado was taken into custody in Seminole, Fla., about 10 miles northwest of St. Petersburg, early Wednesday. She was under the influence of alcohol when she was arrested on a battery charge, according to a police affidavit. She and Velvick appeared together Tuesday in a special episode of "The Bachelor" called "After the Final Rose."

Don't mess with those Cheerleaders, I'm telling you. Check out those biceps. That dude never stood a chance. Right after this she whispered in his ear "I'm gonna cut you, bitch."


Monday, November 26, 2007

Made up statistics question

Why are 95% of the people that comment on YouTube videos complete idiots? I'm not even going to get into the percentage of racists...

Cheney Has Irregular Heartbeat

Vice President Dick Cheney, was found to have an irregular heartbeat:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Vice President Dick Cheney, who has a history of heart problems, experienced an irregular heartbeat Monday and was taken to George Washington University Hospital for evaluation.

The condition was detected when Cheney was seen by doctors around 7 a.m. at the White House for a lingering cough from a cold. He remained at work throughout the day, joining President Bush in meetings with Mideast leaders.

Irregular, of course, because it's not there.

Brownie points, by the way, if you can tell me why I posted that image.

More Anti-Bush Graffiti

I found a website, the Stop Bush Project, that documents anti-bush graffiti. I'll share more of those with you soon. Here are some for now:

The second one may not be graffiti, but it was clever.

Trent Lott Resigning

You can read the full article here, but I want to point you to this paragraph:

By resigning before the end of the year, Mr. Lott would beat the effective date for new ethics rules that double to two years the amount of time a former public official must wait before he can join a firm to lobby his former colleagues. The new rule applies to those who leave office “on or after” Dec. 31.

I will give you three guesses what he is going to do now that he's decided he's done.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Too Much Mario

Maybe this would be less funny if the new Wii Mario game wasn't so good:

Found this in the uncyclopedia.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

I'm thinking about moving to Canada

I just watched SiCKO. You should too.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Saving Baseball in Seattle

On June 22nd, 2007, Ken Griffey Jr. returned to Seattle for the first time since 1999. I was at that game. I arrived 2½ hours early and stood in right field waiting for Griffey to take batting practice. He wasn’t up right away, and as I waited in that corner, fans started pouring into the seats with the same thought in mind “If I can catch one of these batting practice home runs, I will die happy.” When it was finally Griffey’s turn, the small group of twenty-somethings that had filled the seats was already cheering louder than the majority of games when the stadium was full. We held up signs that had been given to us before the game, and at least half of the crowd sported an early 90’s Mariner jersey with the number 24 sewn onto the back. A few fly balls went our way, and even when the ball was more than fifty feet away, you could see yourself catching it, rushing it home, telling all your friends and displaying it on your fireplace, eventually handing it off to your grandkids.

After batting practice was over, it was time for the Ken Griffey Jr. tribute ceremony. The seats were already packed to the brim, and everyone was on their feet, giving a standing ovation to the Diamond Vision monitor as it began its long tribute video. Seattle Mariner icons like Dave Niehaus, Alvin Davis and Jay Buhner were quoted on the screen, each receiving cheers of their own from the anxious crowd. Finally a clip video set to Aerosmith’s “Dream On” played a montage of Griffey’s moments in Seattle:

- The homerun in the 8th consecutive game
- The catch against the wall that broke Griffey’s hand
- Hat backwards
- Junior and Senior
- The All Star Game homerun in Baltimore that was belted into space
- The 100th, 200th, 300th and 398th homeruns of his career (as well as several in between)
- The home run robbing catch in 1990 and his smile of pure joy as he himself realized he brought it back.
- The game winning home run in 1995, the first home run since coming off the DL and the beginning of the most improbable comeback in MLB history.
- “They’re gonna wave him in! They throw to the plate will be….. LATE! The Mariners are going to play for the American league championship!”

Everyone in the audience must have seen that final clip a hundred times in the 12 years since Griffey was seen on the bottom of that pile. But, if you looked around any section in the stadium at that moment you would have seen at least twenty grown men tearing up, as though all the happiness of their childhood finally came back to them in one fleeting instant.

The game itself was forgettable. At least it hopefully will be someday, as the Mariners ended up losing by 15 in what could arguably be the most disgraceful defeat of the 2007 season. But once the game was over, every individual that attended couldn’t help but feel somehow complete, as though by bringing back Griffey it reminded all of us why we cared about the Mariners and why we care about baseball. With no disrespect intended towards Jay Buhner, Randy Johnson or Edgar Martinez, it was Griffey that gave us baseball and showed us why we love the sport.

There are critics who argue that Griffey did not save baseball in Seattle – and these critics are met with the collective stares of the Griffey generation, their mouths agape, unable to comprehend the very idea let alone form a cohesive argument against it. “It wasn’t Griffey, it was Edgar and Buhner and A-rod” they say, or “Read ‘Out of Left Field’ by Art Thiel” the critics cite, “the Seattle fanbase didn’t even play that great a role in keeping the Mariners in Seattle.”

But therein lies the disconnect between those two viewpoints. Critics argue that he did not save the Mariners. But what they do not realize is it was not the Mariners that needed saving. It was baseball. Baseball in Seattle had become irrelevant. The Seattle Mariners were not a baseball team, they were a citywide joke - a benign cancer that people knew was there but generally ignored because it barely affected their daily life. Sure, some parents still tried to teach their children to throw and catch, but why? Why would the youth waste their time on a sport whose home team in 1988 was approximately thirty-six games out of first place, and whose sole all star game representation the previous two years was Harold Reynolds whose offensive production numbers placed him pitifully in the bottom 50% of all active hitters. In fact, in 1987, his “All Star caliber numbers” had him hitting slightly worse than Nick Punto hit in 2006, which put him far below average but just a hair above absolutely terrible. How could the team playing in a stadium that was basically a giant concrete breast implant possibly teach thousands of young kids why they should care about baseball?

It couldn’t. And it didn’t. The kids born in and around the early 80’s were completely disinterested. Even the adults had grown apathetic. People watched baseball, but they were not fans of baseball. It was a sport like any other, and had football been on TV five times a week, there is no doubt it would have been watched instead. Baseball was like a cheesy sitcom – you’d watch it when nothing else was on, and enjoy it for the same reason.

That’s when Griffey came.

At 19 years old, Ken Griffey Jr. was anything but intimidating. His smile could be described as “goofy” at best (although the infamous ear to ear smile is one of everyone’s fondest Griffey memories), his hair was like that of a little boy’s that hates shampoo, and his stature was closer to brittle than it was to brawny. While his father may have been a member of “The Big Red Machine,” his son looked more like “The little engine that could.”

But from the moment he hit a double in his first at-bat, and a homerun off his first pitch at the Kingdome, you could tell the Kid was something special. It wasn’t his numbers that were particularly impressive, nor was it his “potential.” It was the pinnacle of baseball that you could see in everything he did – the purity and perfection of his game. Babe Ruth may have been one of the greatest players of all time, but Ruth was a big man; a big man who swung hard and hit well. With Griffey it was different. Griffey was the essence of baseball. He was pure skill incarnate. Watching him hit was like visual poetry. And the ease with which he used his glove was nothing short of extraordinary. Willie Mays became well known for “The Catch.” Griffey made that same catch almost weekly. He performed acrobatic feats that would make Olympians jealous, and his glove caught more hard hit balls than an overworked urologist.

And then there was his swing. Never in the history of athletics has something so perfect been repeated so consistently. Baseball was invented for Junior’s swing, and we were lucky enough to bare witness. Before the bat left his shoulder, you could see it seething. It hungered for the pitch, swaying in anticipation, growing more and more impatient as the pitcher hesitated in his wind up. If you watched each pitch carefully, you could see the ball attempt to hang on to the pitcher’s fingers, reaching backwards to no avail, trying to hang on rather than meet its fate. And Griffey embarrassed the ball. Humiliated it. It wasn’t an at-bat, it was an execution. The ball was a target and Griffey was the sniper.

As the bat cut through the air it was like the world stopped. Fans were on their feet before the bat hit the ball, because when you watched Griffey swing – you knew. And so did Griffey, as he would drop his bat effortlessly behind him and begin his confident trot around the bases before the pitcher had time to turn around. Every homerun that Griffey hit was a moment I never wanted back.

Griffey was baseball. He was more than just a Seattle athlete, he was THE athlete. He brought baseball into the lives of not only the younger generation but generations since, as those that he touched are starting to have kids of their own and are teaching their kids the game of baseball that they came to know. No one, not Edgar, not Jay, not Alvin Davis, not Barry Bonds – not even Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle or Joe DiMaggio could ever have had the affect on baseball that Griffey had in Seattle. He single handedly changed the meaning of “Goodbye Baseball” into something wonderful. He saved baseball for a generation that almost grew up without it.

In January of 1988, Ken Griffey Jr., then only 18 years old, attempted suicide by swallowing over 200 aspirins. He was rushed to the hospital, had his stomach pumped, and survived. I can tell you without pause that I would not be anyone if he had succeeded. Without Griffey, I would not be interested in baseball. Without baseball, I would not have been interested in sports, and without sports, I would be nowhere.

Finally, someone said about the game this past year “Griffey is the kind of person that you can put into a crowded stadium with 40,000 people cheering for him and only one person booing, and he will hear the boo. At that game, no one booed.” No one. And I can honestly say that I would sacrifice 2 or 3 years of playoff appearances if it meant I could watch Griffey play in a Mariner uniform again, because it is thanks to him that I will be able to enjoy baseball long after he’s gone.

So here’s to you on your 38th birthday, Griffey. I hope you have several more years of health and happiness, and I will continue to check the Cincinnati box scores until the day you retire. You may not have saved the Mariners, but you still saved baseball for me.

The Democrats finally do something right

It's not much, but I appreciate them for this:

22-second Senate session guards against Bush appointments


The Associated Press

WASHINGTON — Gavel to gavel, the Senate on Tuesday met for just 22 seconds — a fleeting moment in the life of a sometimes droning body, but long enough to keep President Bush from making "recess" appointments that Democrats might not like.

Senators have been taking turns standing sentry duty this week — just to prevent Bush from circumventing the confirmation process by immediately installing people in federal posts while the chamber is in recess. Sen. Jim Webb, D-Va., who carried out that less than glamorous task Tuesday, is a relative newcomer, a low-ranking freshman and a senator who lives just minutes from the Capitol; he wielded his gavel before an empty chamber Tuesday, devoid of senators and even the young pages who serve as messengers.

"I'd much rather be doing this than allow the president to skirt the confirmation process in the Senate," Webb said in a statement. "This is an exercise in protecting the Constitution and our constitutional process."

The Senate must confirm major presidential appointments and judicial nominations, providing a constant source of confrontation between the White House and Senate Democrats. But when the Senate is off, as it is now for the Thanksgiving holiday, the president can make recess appointments that are not subject to confirmation hearings. These appointees can serve until the end of the congressional session, which at this point would be until Bush leaves office.

Among the more controversial recess appointments Bush has made have included John Bolton to be ambassador to the United Nations and Sam Fox, a GOP fundraiser and contributor to the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth during the 2004 presidential campaign, as ambassador to Belgium.

Showing the level of distrust between the White House and the Democrats, Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., announced that he would employ, apparently for the first time, what are called "pro forma" sessions as a tactic to technically keep the Senate on the job and stop recess appointments.

A pro forma session, during which no legislative business is conducted, satisfies the constitutional obligation that neither chamber can adjourn for more than three days without the consent of the other.

These pro forma sessions will continue throughout the current holiday recess.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Graffiti pt. 3

Graffiti pt. 2

Bush Graffiti

I have some side projects that I need to work on for a little while, so in the absence of substantive posting I bring you a weeks worth of anti-bush and anti-war graffiti I found on Flickr. Enjoy.

Friday, November 16, 2007

This Is Why I Hate The President

While this topic deserve more than a thousand words, this photo will have to suffice.

Yep. This is our president hesitating to shake the hand of a soldier who was badly injured in Iraq. Way to go, Bush.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Barry Bonds Indicted for Perjury and Obstruction of Justice

Barry Bonds has just been indicted for his lying under oath about his steroid allegations with BALCO.

You can find the full article here.

I will, however, share with you this one gem from the article in case they change it [emphasis mine]:

Bonds' physical growth was accompanied by a remarkable power surge. During the 2001 season he broke Mark McGwire's single-season home run crown, and by 2006, he'd passed Babe Ruth to move into second-place among the sport's most prolific power hitters. He will soon in all likelihood surpass Aaron's career mark of 755 homers.

Um...yes. I'd say there is a very high likelihood of that happening. 100% even.

Rebellious Bird

Thought this was funny. Found it on Bits and Pieces:

That's right, bird. Fight the power.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

McCain Calls Clinton a "Bitch"...

...Indirectly, by allowing a stupid question by a Republican supporter and then referring to Hillary Clinton by name.

Grow some balls old man. If someone calls one of your opponents a "bitch" you stand up for her even if you are trying to beat her. And Republicans: Get smarter, because at this point it's difficult for me to think less of you.

"Excuse me, excuse me, Mr. McCain? Quick follow up to the 'bitch' question posed by my distinguished colleague. If Barack Obama ends up with the nomination, how do we beat the n--?"
- Realistic hypothetical Republican.

Interesting Factoid

It's been 641 days since Vice President Dick Cheney shot his best friend in the face.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Tom Tancredo: Terrorism Stopper

Great retard? Or Greatest retard?

Thank you, Tom. Thank you for informing me that without your helpful hand, I may die. I'm glad I know that now so that when you don't get elected, I can fill out my will.

You make the entire Republican party look like a bunch of raving lunatics, and I can honestly say: Keep up the good work.

(I was thinking of naming this post Tom the Terrorism Hunter and doing a little Cartman jingle like "I am the Tom, the Big Bad Tom of the Terrorists." But I didn't. Thank me later)

Saturday, November 10, 2007

News Corp attacked in Georgia

The country, not the state. Sadly, the state likes Murdoch way too much.

The country of Georgia (more specifically the government) was displeased with News Corp's recently purchased TV station, Imedi, was raided by Georgia's special forces, destroying their equipment and leaving "very extensive damage."

MOSCOW, Nov 9 (Reuters) - Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. described as "totally outrageous" on Friday the storming of its Georgian television station Imedi by armed police, saying they caused "very extensive" damage.

Georgian special forces charged the station on Wednesday night, forcing staff to the floor and holding guns to their heads before smashing equipment and blacking out the signal, witnesses said.

"Two hundred, I don't know what they were, special police, thugs, came into the station, did not serve any papers, did not say why they were there," News Corp. executive vice-president Martin Pompadur told Reuters in a telephone interview.

"I have no idea who gave them the authorisation, someone in the government I assume. And they destroyed the station, they destroyed the control room, they destroyed equipment, they obviously had been given instructions to do just that".

Imedi, which had broadcast extensive coverage of anti- government protests, remains off the air. Under President Mikhail Saakashvili's 15-day state of emergency, only government media are allowed to broadcast news and big meetings are banned.

Heh. I mean... aw... Maybe this is the beginning of Murdoch's Karma for what he did to Fox News and the Washington Post. At any rate, Murdoch is maaaaaaaaad. His channel will be likely out of commission until after the special election in Georgia (the history of which I know nothing about and don't care to look for information on - Something about a new government being created in Moscow). At any rate, the reality of the story is that News Corp MAY have been doing a good thing by relating the opinions of the opposition, but I can't feel bad about Murdoch's property getting trashed, no matter how unjust it is.

More on the story here, here, here, and here.

Friday, November 9, 2007

It's like the lamest party ever

Really? No Education is complete? Really? Better: No Education is Forgotten. ONCE in includes us.

Anyone have better captions for this?

Thanks to spiiderweb.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Public Service Announcement

Just so you know, Office Depot sells/gives out your work addresses to furniture and supply stores when you order something using their website, It is in their privacy policy:

Additionally, we partner with trusted third parties to provide Site users with offers or services which may be of value to our users. In such instances, we may share, sell or rent a user's name, phone number, postal address and ordering information to such third parties to enable them to notify appropriate users of such offers or services. We will never provide credit card information and you will always be provided with the opportunity to unsubscribe from any such list.

Personally I think that's retarded that they can make money off of my address, and I encourage people to complain when they start receiving letters in the mail trying to sell them color copiers. If you want to make money off of my address, you should be paying me for it. It's not your address, so why should you make money selling my information.

Tim Eyman Initiative Ruled Unconstitutional

If you do not live in Washington State, you're probably not aware of who Tim Eyman is. But as an analogy: Tim Eyman is to Washington State as Tom Delay was to congress. He's Washington's own extremist political machine. For more information about the horrific initiatives he's tried to pass in the past, there is a history here:

Recently he tried to pass initiative 960, a bill designed to make it necessary to achieve 66% of the state government's vote in order to pass any tax increases.

Despite Seattle's liberal voting record, Washington State is generally split down the middle, and so it would be generally impossible to pass any tax increase at all - which could be dangerous to the state in times of emergency. Eyman's measure passed in this recent election, however, because if you do not pay attention to how the government works, it appears to make sense that 66% is necessary to pass new taxes. Except that is under the assumption that there is no party system and representatives are always voting in the best interests of their constituents, which is not the case. It is also completely undemocratic, and unfortunately, it may be a victory for Eyman.

That's why I'm pleased to announce that just two days after that measure was voted on, the Washington State Supreme Court ruled another one of his initiatives unconstitutional. Ha!

Said the judges:

"A voter reading the text of the initiative would have perceived a much smaller impact on government coffers than would actually occur under I-747," the justices ruled. "The text of the initiative misled voters about the substantive impact of the initiative on existing law."

Dear Tim Eyman,

Ha! Here's a hot dog. Go F*ck yourself.



Tuesday, November 6, 2007

What Would Jesus Do - The Thong

I know what Jesus would do. Jesus would hit that sh*t. He knows wassup. Word.

Er... "The Word." Right?

Good. I didn't really want you anyway

And we thought we had already elected an idiot.

Fred Thompson decides to tell a Fox News correspondent that, in essence, he doesn't expect to be president.

Trying to encourage his studio to hurry up so an interview could start, Carl Cameron of Fox News said into his microphone: "The next president of the United States has a schedule to keep." Standing beside him, a deadpan Mr Thompson interjected: "And so do I."

As some Thompson aides looked bemused and others cringed, a taken-aback Mr Cameron, Fox's chief political correspondent, exclaimed: "You can't do that kind of stuff!"

Can I get a round of applause?

I like how the Fox correspondent was genuinely upset, since his stupid channel decided to basically throw all of their support behind the actor/politician.

Full Story here.

Friday, November 2, 2007

Dog The Bounty Hunter Not Unlike Cartman From Southpark

Found this on Siditty (who has interesting things to say AND does not run a nerd blog - go figure):

Duane Dog Chapman, better known as "Dog The Bounty Hunter" is a flaming racist, and was caught on video yelling racial slurs at his son for dating a black woman.

Raise your hands if you're surprised a white trash murderer with 11 kids is a racist. Anyone? Anyone at all? No?

For the audio, go here. For the "apology" go here. For commentary, go here.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Adults Only - NSFW

What is this you ask? Why, it's a Bush shaped butt plug, of course!

Hilarity Ensues.

I'm hyperlinking to bloggers that I think would appreciate the humor in this.

Another one bites the dust

And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
- Queen

Yet another GOP lawmaker is gone amidst "revelations he had sex with a man he met at an erotic-video store while in Spokane on a GOP retreat." But was he in his wide stance with his hammer pants?

In a written statement, Rep. Richard Curtis, of La Center, Clark County, said that while he believes he's done a lot of good during his time in the Legislature, "events that have recently come to light have hurt a lot of people."

"I sincerely apologize for any pain my actions may have caused," he wrote. "This has been damaging to my family, and I don't want to subject them to any additional pain that might result from carrying out this matter under the scrutiny that comes with holding public office."

The other man came forward after Curtis failed to pay the 1,000 dollars he promised for the sex.

Elected to the state House of Representatives in 2004, he voted in 2005 and 2006 against a bill that granted civil-rights protections to gays and lesbians, and in 2007 voted against a bill that created domestic partnerships for same-sex couples.

Oh homophobic Republican lawmakers. Is there no man you won't sleep with and deny?