My Dog is Smarter Than Our President

More Satire for your lifted pleasure.

From the Humor Gazette:

Education Accomplished! "Childrens do learn"

Mission accomplished! As recently as three years ago, America's education system was in a shambles. Millions of childrens did not even know that humans and fish can peacefully coexist.

President George W. Bush was so concerned that, on Jan. 23, 2004, he warned, "the illiteracy level of our children are appalling."

Mr. Bush had been aware of the problem since Jan. 11, 2000, when he observed at a South Carolina campaign rally, "Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?"

But as his dad's vice president, Dan Quayle, learned at a sixth-grade New Jersey spelling bee in 1992, education can easily become a political hot potatoe.

The Washington pundits misunderestimated Mr. Bush's ability to get the job done, but in January 2002 he signed into law his landmark education plan: No Childs Left Behind.

Sure, there were critics. Some say the president has shortchanged his program by more than $50 billion. But Mr. Bush knows that childrens need a good education so they can grow up to get a heckuva job and put food on their families.

In today's global war on terrorism economy, he reasons, we must help childrens realize their dreams of becoming soldiers, oil executives or OB/GYN doctors, free to practice their love. Childrens, Mr. Bush understands, must be given the tools they need to compete for those good-paying jobs on the Internets.

So it was heartening to hear President Bush tell the nation -- during his speech last Wednesday urging Congress to reauthorize No Childs Left Behind -- that, when standards are high and results are measured, "Childrens do learn."

Notably, Mr. Bush's vision has also fueled an education initiative in the extremist Muslim world. In fact, many gifted first- and second-graders in Iraq and beyond are already hating America at a ninth-grade level, thanks to a policy called No Junior Terrorist Left Behind.