The New Face(s) of the Republican Party

Republicans are trying to re-brand themselves. Realizing that they look like a bunch of old rich racish white guys that don't understand "the email," they are trying to give themselves a new face that will appeal to the broader public. And here, apparently, are their choices:



Bobby Jindal is the governor of Louisiana. He would be a great face to re-shape the Republican party - he is young (born in 1971), he is Indian (not Black so thy are not copying the Democrats!), conservative and... charming? Sure, why not. Charming.

The problem is that in addition to all of those things, no one really likes him. From Wikipedia:

Reactions to Jindal's speech and delivery were mostly negative, including those of fellow Republicans. Conservative commentators were among the harshest critics, calling his speech "amateurish", "childish", "stale", "insane", "a flop", and "a disaster for the Republican Party". Gail Collins, in her syndicated column emanating from the New York Times and published in Louisiana's Times-Picayune, zeroed in on Jindal's delivery, which, according to Collins, "sounded a little like a junior high schooler's entry into the Chamber of Commerce 'I Speak for Fiscal Restraint' contest."

Apologies for the Wikipedia reference but it is the easiest summary I have been able to find (a few links: 1, 2, 3). Regardless, no one likes him. And while one speech does not determine a presidency, it certainly isn't going to help the Republicans for a while. He may yet help them again in 2012 or 2014, but by then it may be too late to save their party.



Michael Steele - He's just like Barack Obama, except a stereotype!!!

In the last month, Steele has already used more youth slang from the late 1990's than Barack Obama has uttered in the last 10 years. While Republicans think they have offered up their version of the current president, what they have really offered is, by far, the least inspiring black political leader in the history of the world. He's uncharismatic, too conservative to ever match youth beliefs, unfunny, and has absolutely no pulse on current cultural dynamics. Way to go, Republicans.



Seriously, Fuck Joe the Plumber.

GM called me the other day. They asked me if I could find something that embodies their car lines - something that says "General Motors Makes High Quality Cars Made for You!" After hanging up the phone, I went to QFC and bought 3 boxes of Fiber one. 2 days later I went to the bathroom. I then scooped up the contents and froze them. Later, I took it out of the freezer, used a carving knife to fashion a Hummer H3, and handed it in to General Motors.

Yes kids, Joe the Plumber is the Republican's Hummer H3 carved out of frozen shit.



And the number one new face of the Republican party is ... (drumroll) ...

An Old Rich Racist White Guy! Woo!!! Hey, wait a minute. That's the same!

Rush Limbaugh is the Karl Rove of the Republican party, except unlike Karl Rove, Rush is significantly less intelligent and will never, ever, convince younger generations of non-idiots to vote for Republicans. He represents both the downfall of the Republican party (good) as well as the downfall of American society (bad). He spews hate speech and has a 20 million person following that is both dangerous and gullible. As long as he is the face of the Republicans, the Republicans are going to shrink to the point of being irrelevant. But as long as he controls 20 million people, he has a very frightening army of citizens that listen to his hate speech and blow it even further out of proportion.

So that's it. Those are the new faces of the Republican party. A governor no one likes, a chairman no one will like, an idiot, and a louder idiot. I don't think the re-brand is going well.