Text Messaging

4 33 666 777 4 33 - 22 88 7777 44 - 444 7777 - 8 44 33 - 9 888 777 7777 8 - 7 777 33 7777 444 3 33 66 8 - 666 333 - 2 555 555 - 8 444 6 33.

By the way, back in the day I had a friend who was terrified whenever he saw the numbers 666. 666, apparently, is the "mark of the beast" and he grew up very Christian. So if - for example - the total value at the grocery store was $6.66, he would suddenly get very irked and sometimes even consider buying something else just to have the final price be a different number.

Explain this to me. Not where 666 comes from, because supposedly it is biblical, but why I should care, literally, about the numbers 666.

Here is what I want you to consider: Back when the new testament was written, the number "6" didn't exist. Sure, there was a mathematical six, but the symbol of the 6 was not used.

Now, in Hebrew (the original language of the Christian Bible), they did not have a number that looked like six. The number six would have been a vav, which looks like this: ו

So if you were looking for 666, you would probably actually be looking for ווו which looks really more like three near straight lines rather than three 6's. If you were looking for Greek, you would be looking for this: χξς or this: ςςς which is 666 in Greek. While the number six hundred and sixty six may be frightening - and I can respect that - the number "6" didn't exist until long after the new testament was written.

Tell you what, though. If I'm watching the register, and suddenly "ווו" shows up as my total, I'm willing to be frightened too.

Pope to Bush - Go Fudge Yourself

As a Jew, my knowledge of Easter is limited to the idea of children trying to find colorful eggs that a rabbit pooped out of its butt. But I assume that the pope is considered an important figure in the holiday.

From the New York Times:

VATICAN CITY (AP) -- Even on Christianity's most joyous day, Pope Benedict XVI lamented the ''continual slaughter'' in Iraq and unrest in Afghanistan as he denounced ''the thousand faces of violence which some people attempt to justify in the name of religion.''

''Afghanistan is marked by growing unrest and instability,'' Benedict said. ''In the Middle East, besides some signs of hope in the dialogue between Israel and the Palestinian Authority, unfortunately, nothing positive comes from Iraq, torn apart by continual slaughter as the civil population flees.''

I think once the Pope says the war in Iraq is a catastrophuck, it may be time to give it a rest. It's good to see that the highest religious figure in Catholicism also thinks George Bush is an idiot.

A Christmas Question, from a Jewish Blogger

I think I understand the purpose of Christmas lights. They are pretty and announce either "Look how much we like Christmas!" or "Jesus, hit it here!"

So here is my question: What is the point of half-assing Christmas lights? I'll walk by houses that have maybe one string of 10 lights, 2 of which have burnt out, bordering over one window. Why? What's the point? The lights aren't a religious symbol. The lights aren't in the New Testament. It's not in the constitution (yet, Bush still has two more years). So why? It's not attractive. It doesn't beautify the city or your house. Santa can still see your chimney. If you cannot afford the lights, which is an acceptable reason for not overdoing your house, why put any up? Again, it's not a commandment. The Vatican doesn't decorate its city with red and green. So why?

Also, I have a letter for Santa:

Dear Santa,
Since I do not celebrate Christmas, I have not written you before. But this year I have a request. This year, please do not give coal to all the bad boys and girls. When coal burns, it ruins the environment and makes holes in the Ozone layer. Instead, please give something that burns cleaner, like the sun or hydrogen or some alternative form of energy. Perhaps french fry waste? I heard the made a car that runs on it. Yes, this year, please give all the bad boys and girls french fry waste. And maybe throw in a shiny red rubber bouncy ball for Bush, he's had a hard time this year. And Santa, from now on, when you ride in your Coca Cola inspired suit and deliver gifts to all the Christian and atheist -but not really- children this year, please use your electric sleigh. Please, Santa, think of the penguins.
-Librocrat

Virginia Congressman: Bringing the "Ku" back to "Republikun"

Known puppy kicker Virgil H. Goode, Republican of Virginia, wrote in letter to his constituents that the election of Keith Ellison, the Muslim Minnesota Democrat, "posed a serious threat to the nation's traditional values" and that Americans should “wake up” or else there would “likely be many more Muslims elected to office and demanding the use of the Koran.” Quotes the New York Times. “I fear that in the next century we will have many more Muslims in the United States if we do not adopt the strict immigration policies that I believe are necessary to preserve the values and beliefs traditional to the United States of America and to prevent our resources from being swamped."

It's funny, I didn't realize "Virgil" was spelled with three K's.

To point out the letter's inaccuracies would be superfluous. But I will do it anyway. FIRST, Mr. Ellison is a converted Muslim. SECOND, he is not an immigrant. He has roots in this country since 1742, due mostly in part to him being African American, and not - as Grand Wizard, er, Representative Goode seems to think - middle eastern. THIRD, his letter was prompted because Ellison apparently wanted the Koran at his inauguration. But it is important to note that there is no Bible or Koran at the actual inauguration, because that is barred by the constitution, so the Koran would only be with Mr. Ellison at private ceremonies.

Virgil, or as he is known by Heaven, "uninvited," made no apologies for his blatantly ignorant remarks. So in the spirit of bipartisanship I will do it for him:

"I'm sorry I'm a stereotype of the Republican Party. I'm sorry my mom and my brother/dad didn't raise me to understand that America, known as a 'melting pot' of diversity, wasn't supposed to be a mixture of only vanilla and white chocolate. But most of all, I'm sorry I was born with tiny, triangle shaped testicles."

You will be forgiven in time, Virgil. But what's with yet another penis joke on my blog? That's totally un-Ku.