United Nations to Iran: Stop Being Naughty or Santa Will Bring You Coal

Just a few days before Christmas and the UN approves a measure to impose sanctions against Iran, reports the New York Times. For those of you who don't know what sanctions are, they are the legal equivalent to a harsh wag of the finger. To be fair, though, it is a very vigorous wag of the finger, with an added "if you still continue this behavior, you will be in a serious time out mister." If Iran breaks the sanctions, the result is limited to non-military action. It freezes the assets of 12 Iranians involved in missile programs, as well as 10 additional companies.

Meanwhile, the civil war in Iraq continues. With each passing day more and more Iraqis find themselves in the crossfire of a war that has ruined their country. One Iraqi man, after his business fell victim to a Shiite bombing, was reported as saying "I wish the UN and America would start sending us blankets instead of voting on useless issues. We're freezing our assets off over here."

To be fair, that's not entirely true. No one ever said that. The forecast for Baghdad has a high of about 56 degrees. But the media will have you believe that the whole country is on fire, and when you fly over it, that's simply not the case. Rumsfeld was an idiot.

John Bolton Steps Down

Sadly, a man who was never elected to begin with is leaving his post at the UN, reports The New York Times. President Bush had this to say:

"I am deeply disappointed that a handful of United States Senators prevented Ambassador Bolton from receiving the up or down vote he deserved in the Senate."

True, how dare the senators bypass the respected confirmation process and send him to the UN on a loophole in the law while the senate was on Recess, thereby not allowing his confirmation to be brought to vote. How dare they. Wait...

Out of respect of Mr. Bolton, I will say our collective fairwells:

Mr. Bolton, we hardly knew yee, nor did we confirm yee, nor do we care that you're gone. Unless, wait, are you related to Michael Bolton? You are? Okay then, get the hell out.