Sunday, March 16, 2008

Relationship and Dating Stories

Recently I was asked by a friend to share a few relationship stories, so I'll do so here, hidden in this post in a blog I haven't used in several years. No one will read this, and if you do read this, please remember that I didn't expect anyone to read this. So... it's not my fault. I'm serious. This is pretty much a space holder for someone I know to help them with their site. This blog is long since dead. It really isn't my fault if you read this post. It's just not.

Dating Story

For the dating story, I was asked to provide dating tips for nice guys that are looking to get dates, since I've had fairly amazing success and I'm an atypical dude. Essentially, my tip for nice guys is to remember that being nice to a woman/girl doesn't make you a better choice than other guys that aren't nice.

Let me explain. Basically, when a guy tries to woo a woman by being nice, he often does a lot of things that are over-nice. For example, buying her gifts, telling her how beautiful she is, etc.

That's all well and good. Being a nice guy is better than being a jerk. But think about it this way - how do any of those things make YOU special. ANYONE can buy her things or tell her how beautiful she is. It doesn't make YOU unique or interesting. It only makes you one of the many, many guys before you that tried to do the same thing. You blend in with the pack. I'm not going to go into great detail about how to fix this problem, because it's not really something I'm interested in advertising, but just remember that while being a nice guy is important from a moral perspective, you'll still have to find a way to make yourself appear special, and stand out from the rest. Doing nothing but showering her with compliments isn't going to work.

Breakup Story

I don't have a good relationship story. I've never really tried to get back with an ex, and I was asked to tell a story related to rebuilding a relationship. But what I will share is something I think that most people forget with a breakup. It's okay to get back together after a breakup, but only if it's understood that you can never, ever break up and get back together again. The thread of a breakup is one of the things that keeps a relationship healthy and together - meaning, because a breakup is expected to be a permanent end to something great, people are always trying to make their partners happy. At the same time, because a breakup is supposed to represent a FINAL end, men and women feel more free to make a mistake, since they don't expect to breakup just from one mistake.

After a breakup, though, this isn't true anymore. Now two things have occurred:

- Now that you have gotten back together after a breakup (especially if it has happened more than once), the thread of a breakup is less scary, because now you know you can get back together. People start to take their breakups less seriously.
- Now that you have broken up, people become more scared while in a relationship that they will make a mistake. This makes them always on edge, trying hard to be as perfect as possible and hating their partners for that effort. That's no way to have a healthy relationship.

So there you go. Be careful of breakups. It's okay to get back with an ex if you're going to truly try to make it work, but you need to make sure that you try to make it work. Don't just assume you can get back into the relationship you had and make the same mistakes, because the entire dynamic of the relationship has changed.

No comments: