Tryin' to Hold Back This Feeling For Soooo Long.

John: George?

George: Yes, John?

John: Oh, nevermind.

George: What is it, John?

John: Well... it's just... um... Does this skin make my neck look fat?

George: Of course not, John. Why would you ask me that?

John: Thanks... ...Hey George?

George: Yes, John?

John: That wasn't really my question.

George: I didn't think so, John. Go ahead, ask me.

John: Well... I mean... Do you think we're good together?

George: What do you mean, John?

John: It's just that... sometimes.... Gosh, I'm trying to find the words. Stay strong John, Stay strong - don't let him see you cry. Do not let him see you cry... It's just that......... Sometimes I feel like we're growing apart. Like, we don't connect the way we used to.

George: Oh, John. You know that's not true. We are basically the same person.

John: I know... it's just that... well... Do you think we're right for each other?

George: John, you know how I feel about you. And I know how you feel about me. What we have between us is real.

John: But the press said....

George: The Press is Wrong John! The press will never understand the kind of connection we have. Once you start letting the press get to you, John, then... then... Sigh... John, when I endorsed your bid for presidency, I wasn't just endorsing you because I thought you'd do as well as me. I endorsed you because I honestly believe in your passion, your love, your care.

John: Oh you're just saying that...

George: Have I ever lied to you? Who stays up at night, just to watch you sleep? Who occasionally let's you be the "top" when I know you have to sit for a long time in the Senate chamber because I know how much you hate it when your tushy aches? And who is it that brings you orchids - pink - because I know that they're your favorites.

John: Oh George... I love you.

George: I love you too, John. Come over here and give me a hug like there's nobody around.

John: Don't ever leave me, George.

George: Never, John. Never.

Super Tuesday ^ 2

The countdown to Ohio and Texas is underway, and the question of Super Delegates has returned to the spotlight. Will this super delegate go to Clinton? Will that one go to Obama?

But the real question is: Just how Super are these Delegates. Are they simply Super? Are they Super Duper? Are they Super Hero? Or are they simply Super Ficial? Maybe even Super Fluous?

Whatever the answer, they are certainly Super Stupid. That's my Super Lative.

Open Letter to Dunkin Donuts

Dear Dunkin' Donuts marketing staff,

Your new ad campaign has several problem that need to be addressed.

First and foremost, you should be aware that the word "Latte" is not English. Your ad campaign says "Dunkin Donuts Lattes - Order in English." Since Latte is not English, your campaign is immediately flawed. It is worth noting that you also serve cappuccinos, which is also not English.

Secondly, your entire campaign is based around the idea that your customers are complete idiots. While this may seem like a clever strategy, you should be aware that most people don't feel they are idiots. Now, ironically, I don't know anyone that drinks Dunkin' Donut coffee, and I tend not to associate myself with idiots, so your ad campaign may be working. Still, probably not your best business decision.

Third: "Fritalian" is not funny. I understand it is a combination of French and Italian, but it's not a word, and - again - Latte is Italian.

Fourth, the woman who continues to say the word "Large" when the Barista uses the word Dieci is coming off as a complete douche. You're going to want to make her appear like I should feel her pain, but she's a complete jerk. Though to be fair, you do feel your customers are idiots.

Finally, "Latte" is not English.

The next time you launch and ad campaign, please consult with me so I can forbid it. Clearly you have a poor advertising department. Next time it is a good idea to focus group your work before you launch it. Consider that a free tip.

Yours (not really),
~Librocrat

PS Latte is not English.

Nader Announces Plan to Wreck Election

Thanks Andy Borowitz:

Nader Announces Plan to Wreck Election
But Prominent Crackpots are Cool to Bid

Appearing on NBC’s “Meet the Press” today, consumer activist Ralph Nader told host Tim Russert that he has officially decided to wreck the 2008 presidential election.

Mr. Nader had been huddling with prominent crackpots over the weekend to determine whether he had enough support among his natural constituency, self-absorbed whack-jobs, to mount an entirely meaningless campaign.

“If I wreck the 2008 election, I intend to wreck it in all fifty states,” Mr. Nader told Mr. Russert today. “I have no intention of being merely a regional spoiler.”

When asked if his candidacy could hurt the chances of the first African-American nominee for president, Mr. Nader put his fingers in his ears and started going, “Lalalalalalalala I can’t hear you.”

But across the country, significant numbers of crackpots who have supported Mr. Nader in the past appeared to be cool to his latest bid to wreck a presidential election.

“If I’m going to waste my vote, I want to be sure I’m wasting it on the right wingnut,” said longtime crackpot Stacy Klujian, who has supported Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex) in his 2008 campaign. “It is time for Ralph Nader to step aside for a new generation of bananaheads.”

For his part, Mr. Nader said that he had already begun preparing for his latest run as a spoiler by sneaking up behind people who were watching “No Country for Old Men” and telling them how it ended.

“It wasn’t as challenging as spoiling an entire election, but it was fun,” he said.

Dodd Endorses Obama

Good for him. I like Chris Dodd, and I think he may end up being one of the options to act as Obama's running made should he win. Still, I can't help but wonder who gives a crap about endorsements. I don't.

Similarly, Richardson, Spitzer, the Kennedys... I can't think of anyone whose endorsement would change my opinion one way or the other. Is anyone sitting on their couch, thinking to themselves "Man, I'd like to vote for one of these candidates, but I still don't know what John Kerry thinks of them yet."

Bext XKCD Comic Ever

What are you going to do? Let them KEEP being wrong?
www.xkcd.com

Confused...

Is this the Tanzanian equivalent to "I'm with stupid --->"?

Delay.

There has been a delay in posts recently. But I quit my job last week and I'll be freelancing from home for a while so hopefully the number of posts will pick up.

Until then, pay attention to what Howard Dean does about the Super Delegates fiasco. One thing is clear - if Barack Obama wins the popular vote, but Hillary Clinton wins the nomination because of the Super Delegates, that's going to be a huge issue that will take all of the steam out of the Democratic prowess that they are currently running with. If nothing is fixed, let's hope that Hillary Clinton wins the nomination legitimately.

Two down, several more to go

I need no comment on this. But I will.

Awesome.

House Holds Bush Confidants in Contempt

The House voted Thursday to hold two of President Bush's confidants in contempt for failing to cooperate with an inquiry into whether a purge of federal prosecutors was politically motivated.

Angry Republicans boycotted the vote and staged a walkout.

The vote was 223-32 to hold presidential chief of staff Josh Bolten and former White House counsel Harriet Miers in contempt. The citations charge Miers with failing to testify and accuse her and Bolten of refusing Congress' demands for documents related to the 2006-2007 firings.

Mike Huckabee Challenging Washington State Ballot

Mike Huckabee and his campaign believes the vote count in Pierce county, Washington was incorrectly called by Luke Esser, the state Republican Party chairman. McCain only beat Huckabee by 252 delegates, but the Huckabee camp claims that 1,500 or so delegates were uncounted.

This is good news for those of us worried that McCain would choose Huckabee as a running mate. There is already a growing distrust of Huckabee amongst the Republican party, and the more he challenges the clear front runner, the more likely McCain will choose an easily attackable candidate to be his running mate.

Story

Who let the dogs out?

Mitt Romney is out of the race. Sucks for the Democrats. But at least we won't have to address anyone as "President Willard Romney."

God damn, he's like the whitest guy ever.

We're Rolling Back Prices ALL OVER THE PLACE

Scientists studying Mars believe they have found a 3 kilometer wide smiley face in the middle of mars. Do Martians have a sense of humor? Is it a message? Are they telling us to cheer up?

No, of course not. Clearly, it's an ad for WalMart. "...So put on a happy face."

Read this story... for no reason.

Ten Things More Exciting Than This Year's Super Bowl

1. Watching CSPAN on Mute.
   
2. Creating a Color Wheel using cells in an excel spreadsheet.
   
3. Picking crumbs individually off an old couch and counting them.
   
4. Fixing the spelling of the comments left on AOL blogs.
   
5. Reading war and peace backwards.
   
6. Braiding your chest hairs.
   
7. Taking out the headphones of your ipod and putting it to your ear like the stereos of old.
   
8. Writing letters to all of the women that have rejected you and eating them.
   
9. Soap.
   
10. Thinking up synonyms for colors and using them to create poetry about rainbows.

Super Bowl XXCCIIXXPQRS

... Because when I think football, I think Ryan Seacrest.

Fun with Microsoft Paint

I freely admit these aren't very good, but they were fun to do, if nothing else. So here, I present to you, Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney.

Or should I say...

Woody Huckpecker?

And...

Mitt - The Axe Body Spray Girl.

No one said they were funny.