Fox News Viewers Less Informed Than Viewers of Fake News Show

According to a new study by the Pew Research Center, the internet - thought to be the "information highway" - has not improved anyone's knowledge of current events. According to the study, Americans are, on average, less informed of current events than they were in 1989, long before the internet became mainstream.

More significant (although some might say "obvious") is that Fox News Viewers were less informed about current events than not only viewers of every other major news network, but also viewers of the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. In fact, viewers of the Daily Show were 175% more likely to know who Scooter Libby is, Identify Vladimir Putin, and name the Sunni branch of Islam.

Although - to be fair to Fox News - Daily Show viewers were roughly 2% more informed than those who listen to NPR, which must say something positive about the upcoming generation.

Regardless, the study informs us of two things. One, Fox News continues to be a complete failure when it comes to anything of substance. And two, that if news organizations really want to inform America, they should figure out a way to make the news into free pornography.
Graph from Wired.com

Another Email from a Member of Our Armed Forces

I got this in a forward from a friend of mine in the navy:

President Bush, First Lady Laura and Dick Cheney were flying on Air Force One. George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten people very happy."

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy"

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot: "Such big-shots back there. Shit, I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very happy."

Posting is Hard

So here is another satire piece from the Borowitz Report:

Nader’s Ego Enters 2008 Race
Massive Ego Fills Madison Square Garden

The field of presidential candidates got a little more crowded today as the massive ego of consumer activist Ralph Nader announced that it was entering the 2008 race.

For its historic announcement, Mr. Nader’s ego chose New York’s Madison Square Garden, the only venue available large enough to contain the candidate’s bloated self-esteem.

After being loaded into the Garden’s freight elevator and wheeled out onto the stage, Mr. Nader’s ego said the words that its faithful had been waiting to hear.

“This gigantic ego has sat on the sidelines long enough and watched others’ egos get all of the attention!” the candidate’s ego roared.

Mr. Nader’s ego went on to enumerate the reasons for its latest candidacy, telling the audience, “I want to see an America where I am on campaign buttons, banners, and Larry King Live.”

His ego added that it hoped to fill what it saw as a void in the 2008 campaign: “There is no other narcissistic whackjob in the race, unless you count Kucinich.”

The consumer activist’s bloated ego received rave reviews from those in attendance, many of whom had fond memories of Mr. Nader’s successful bid to wreck the 2000 presidential race.

“It was great to see that ego back on stage,” said Nader supporter Ralph Nader, 73. “Finally, a candidate who speaks for me.”

Others echoed that sentiment, including Nader supporter Ralph Nader, 73: “I couldn’t believe how handsome he was.”

Elsewhere, in a serious setback for former Florida governor Jeb Bush, new research finds that the eldest children in families tend to have higher I.Q.’s than their younger siblings.

Bush falls below Jar Jar Binks in latest poll

I found this on "The Night Shift" by Greg Sidor:

Bush falls below Jar Jar Binks in latest poll

By Greg Sidor, Satirical Correspondent

A Newsweek poll shows President Bush's popularity at a new low of 26%. This makes Mr. Bush the least-popular commander-in-chief since Richard Nixon.

More ominous, it marks the first time a president has fallen below the notorious Binks line, a measurement used by pollsters that compares one's popularity to universally loathed "Star Wars" character Jar Jar Binks.

"Pollsters usually mark Binks' approval rating at a steady 27%," said analyst Richard Gibbons of Numbers, Inc. "That's usually made up of people under various forms of mental distress, and we think a percentage of them may not even know who Binks is, so they haven't developed the proper sense of disgust the general population maintains."

White House Press Secretary Tony Snow was quick to try and spin the bad news.

"It may seem bad at first, but let's not forget that Binks went on to rise up the ranks in 'Star Wars,' eventually becoming an important member of the Galactic Senate," Snow said.

Snow wouldn't comment on other results of the poll, which revealed that 56% of Americans would rather have a beer with Jar Jar Binks.

"It certainly calms my mind a bit," said filmmaker George Lucas. "For a time I was afraid I'd created the most disappointing, wildly incompetent character in history. It's good to see the boys in Washington still have the gusto to surpass the best in Hollywood."

Ewe've been conned ladies

What a weird story:

THOUSANDS of rich women were conned by a firm into believing LAMBS were valuable miniature POODLES.

Entire flocks were imported to Japan from the UK and Australia then sold by the internet company as the latest “must have” pet.

The bizarre scam was rumbled when Japanese movie star Maiko Kawakami complained on a talk show that her new poodle refused to bark or eat dog food.

She showed photos of the animal and was devastated when told that it was a lamb.

Hundreds of women contacted police to say that they had also been sold lambs instead of pedigree pups by the tricksters based in Sapporo, Japan.

Cops believe that up to 2,000 people across the country had been swindled in the same way. One couple found out the truth only after a dog beautician told them that she could not trim their poodle’s claws — because they were HOOVES.

The company, whose name translated as Poodles As Pets, has now been shut down.

Bosses took advantage of the fact sheep are rare in Japan and most people do not know what they look like.

They advertised poodles online for £630 — half the price of the highly-desired puppies in Japan at £1,260.

A police spokesman said yesterday: “We launched an investigation after we were made aware that a company were selling sheep as poodles.

“Sadly, we think there is more than one company operating in this way.

“The sheep are believed to have been imported from overseas — Britain, Australia.”

Most of the people caught out by the scam are donating the sheep to zoos and farms.

Congress Hires Illegal Immigrants to Write Immigration Bill

From the Borowitz Report:

Congress Hires Illegal Immigrants to Write Immigration Bill

Lawmakers Cite Cost Savings

In an attempt to break the nagging logjam over immigration, congressional leaders announced today that they were hiring illegal immigrants to write the nation’s new immigration bill.

While some observers criticized the decision to employ illegals to draft the very bill that would regulate themselves, Sen. John Kyl (R-Arizona) said that the move was a “win-win” for the American people.

“No one understands the thorny issue of immigration better than the people who have been sneaking into our country,” Mr. Kyl said. “Plus, these folks work cheap.”

One outspoken critic of the plan was CNN’s Lou Dobbs, who blasted Congress for putting illegal immigrants in charge of the nation’s immigration laws.

“This would be the equivalent of CNN outsourcing my xenophobic rants to Bangalore,” Mr. Dobbs said.

According to the plan, which went into effect at midnight, the U.S. will bus illegal aliens across the border to work as “guest congressmen” to draft the nation’s new immigration laws.

The illegals will remain in the country long enough to write the new immigration laws, after which they will be permitted to run for election for permanent congressman status.

Juan Carmelo Gutierrez, 35, a former migrant worker who is taking advantage of the “guest congressman” program, says that while drafting the nation’s immigration’s laws is arduous work, he still prefers it to his previous job.

“Being a congressman is definitely easier than picking fruit,” says Mr. Gutierrez. “Plus, you get most of the year off.”

Elsewhere, the New England Journal of Medicine reports that people who play excessive amounts of Nintendo Wii may experience shoulder pain and may also never lose their virginity.

Draft Bloomberg, 2008

Another Mayor of New York? What?

No, don't draft Michael Bloomberg to win (each letter is a different link). Draft him because it will finally take votes away from Republicans, for once. Damn you Nader.

Although, it is a tough call to tell whose race his candidacy as an independent will affect more. He is, and always has been, essentially a Democrat. But as a Republican he was popular - amongst other Republicans. And just as these "independents" and "moderate republicans" still voted for Bush in 2004, so too will they vote for as close to a Republican as they can - again. Bloomberg can easily steal all the disappointed Ron Paul voters, and that small difference could mean a landslide victory in states like Florida and Ohio, which have been so close the last two elections.

We'll see what happens in time. Vote Blue in '08.

Dropping The Ball

Alberto Gonzales continues to make headlines with his catastrophuck-ic leadership. The Justice Department itself is ready to conduct investigations against the attorney general - the same Justice Department that he... you know... runs. Excuse me, "runs." That's like McDonald's Employees investigating their store manager for giving away free burgers. That analogy is especially apt, because both McDonald's employees and the Justice Department had similar qualifications before getting hired.

WASHINGTON, June 14 — A Justice Department internal inquiry will examine whether Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales improperly tried to influence the testimony of a senior adviser in a private meeting in March in which the two discussed the dismissal of federal prosecutors, department officials said on Thursday.

In a letter to the Senate Judiciary Committee, the two Justice Department officials conducting the investigation said their inquiry would broaden to explore accusations made about Mr. Gonzales by the former adviser, Monica M. Goodling, in her testimony before the House Judiciary Committee on May 23.

“This is to confirm that the scope of our investigation does include this matter,” said the letter signed by the two officials, Glenn A. Fine, the department’s inspector general, and H. Marshall Jarrett, counsel for the department’s Office of Professional Responsibility.

Monica Goodling, the former adviser to Gonzales - who, by the way, is a "lawyer" (**withholding vomit**) - apparently was uncomfortable when 'Berto "comforted" her by telling her that she didn't remember anything. Uncomfortable, but not smart enough to realize how blatantly obvious he was manipulating her.

Brian Roehrkasse, a department spokesman, said in a statement, “We’ve previously stated that the attorney general has never attempted to influence or shape the testimony or public statements of any witness in this matter, including Ms. Goodling, and that the statements made by the attorney general during this meeting were intended only to comfort her in a very difficult period of her life.”

The conversation went something like this:

Alberto: "Monica, hey, let me tell you what I can remember about the Attorney firings: I had nothing to do with it. Do you have any problem with my recollection, woman whose job I am in charge of?"

Monica: "Uh... no. Maybe I would if I knew anything about the law, but since I graduated from a sub-par Christian college and have no real qualifications or background, everything seems A-okay to me."

Alberto: "Good. Because if you say anything, I'll cut you."

End Conversation.

Mike Gravel - Crazy Old Guy or Artistic Genius?

What in the world is he doing?

I'm trying to convince myself that the whole video is a metaphor for the war. Maybe "Iraq is drowning" (get it? He throws "a rock" into the water?).

Wow.

Worth Watching

Japanese Tetris - The Live Action Game Show

From Gizmodo:

glumbert.com - Japanese Tetris

Anyone?

Anyone know how to get the little "Digg" icon to pop up next to new posts?

Nerd Item of the Week

This is an USB Missile launcher. It connects to your USB port, you control it with your computer, and fire little foam rockets at passer's by.

Perfect for the war on cubicle terror.

Daily Show Daily Observation

I was watching the Daily Show and the Colbert Report today. Is it just me, or do Larry Wilmore ("Senior Black Correspondent" from the Daily Show) and Jocelyn Elders (Former Surgeon General - mention in commentary on the Colbert Report) look a lot alike?

I'll leave it up to you do decide. It may be just me.

Threat number 5: Robots! Threat number 4: Bears! Threat number 3: Robots! threat number 2: Bears! and threat number 1: Robot Bears!
- Stephen Colbert

News of the Week

Too much to do, too much time playing "RoShamBull" on facebook.

Stop making fun of me.

Now, for the news:

- Harriet Miers was going to be called in to testify about the attorney firings, but she was so unqualified to testify before a panel, that congress voted she not actually speak.
- Bush gets his watch stolen in Albania by his adoring fans.

He is also pregnant.
- Judge denies bail for Robert Soloway, the "Spam King." In unrelated news, it looks like I will be blogging for a while because that Nigerian guy didn't get back to me.
- Virginia apologizes for slavery, rocketing them into 1975.
- Bill O'Reilly says that murdering soldiers doesn't matter.
- Bush, unfortunately, is still president.

June 10th - 1500 days since the declaration of mission accomplished

Bush is such a Schmuck.

This is the 1501st day since the declaration of "Mission Accomplished" in Iraq. Yesterday, I celebrated by realizing that a "MudSlide" is probably the greatest alcoholic beverage of all time.

Still, the anniversary of "Mission Accomplished" represents an interesting moment in American history - a single moment, with a single two words, that reflect the irony of 1500 more days of tremendous failure.

I don't believe there are any two words that hold such an opposite meaning. Similar to how "military intelligence" was long held as that hilarious "oxymoron" joke.

I open up this post as a forum to anyone who can think of any two words that have the same affect. Any combination of words that, when uttered, bring to mind a colossally different state of events.

That is, of course, besides "President" and "Bush." That's a given.

Teddy Bear Robot to Rescue Injured Soldiers

Because nothing says "reassuring" when your chunks of your spleen are oozing out your bullet holes like a teddy bear... robot.

from BBC News:

The US military is developing a robot with a teddy bear-style head to help carry injured soldiers away from the battlefield.

At this point, wouldn't we all be more shocked if they weren't?

The Battlefield Extraction Assist Robot (BEAR) can scoop up even the heaviest of casualties and transport them over long distances over rough terrain.

New Scientist magazine reports that the "friendly appearance" of the robot is designed to put the wounded at ease.

It is expected to be ready for testing within five years.

While it is important to get medical attention for injured soldiers as soon as possible, it is often difficult and dangerous for their comrades to reach them and carry them back.

The 6ft tall Bear can cross bumpy ground without toppling thanks to a combination of gyroscopes and computer controlled motors to maintain balance.

It is also narrow enough to squeeze through doorways, but can lift 135kg with its hydraulic arms in a single smooth movement, to avoid causing pain to wounded soldiers.

While the existing prototype slides its arms under its burden like a forklift, future versions will be fitted with manoeuvrable hands to gently scoop up casualties.

The Bear is controlled remotely and has cameras and microphones through which an operator sees and hears.

It can even tackle stairs while carrying a human-sized dummy.

Daniel Theobald, the president of Vecna Technologies, which is developing the robot for the US Army, said: "We saw a need for a robot that can essentially go where a human can. The robot will be an integral part of a military team."

Gary Gilbert, from the US Army's Telemedicine and Advanced Technology Research Centre in Frederick, Maryland, said that the teddy bear appearance was deliberate.

"A really important thing when you're dealing with casualties is trying to maintain that human touch."

Vecna is working on other potential applications for the robot technology - including helping move heavy patients in hospital.

Curious about what makes this life saving mechanical stuffed animal so amazing? That's covered:

1. Teddy bear face designed to be reassuring

2. Hydraulic upper body carries up to 227kgs (500lbs)

3. When kneeling tracked "legs" travel over rubble. Switches to wheels on smooth surfaces

4. Dynamic Balance Behaviour (DBB) technology allows the robot to stand and carry loads upright on its ankles, knees or hips for nearly an hour

Wow...

The Double Outhouse

So true.

Mr. Libby, No One Likes a Wet Blanket

Librocrats is taking predictions for how many days before Scooter Libby goes to prison he will be pardoned. The common answer is "the day before." The Librocrat website reserves "not at all" for itself - due to the Bush Administration never admitting any mistakes/failures. The winner gets to write their own post and have it linked to their site in large, bolded font.

From the New York Times:

A conservative with close ties to the administration, who requested anonymity to speak frankly, put it another way: “Letting Scooter go to jail would be a politically irrational symbol to the last chunk of the 29 percent upon which he stands,” a reference to the low percentage of Americans who tell pollsters they support Mr. Bush.

To Anonymous guy - Do you really think that the remaining 29% are going to be affected by something "irrational?" It seems that "Bush Supporters" and "Irrational" seem to get along quite well.

Photo courtesy of the illustrated daily scribble.

Weak

I recognize it has been a while since I've posted any scathing political news, but I have to post this too:

Paris Hilton leaves prison, due to "health concerns," after only five days and moves into house arrest. That's ridiculous. What did she have? Crabs? Were they afraid that she would give all the other inmates crabs? She was in a "special facility" designed for high-profile criminals. It's like the penthouse of prison cells. How bad could it have been?

There really is no justice. This is weak.

Racist Seizures

I decided to post this even before I read the story. I saw this on the front page of the New York Times:

Controversy Over London’s Olympic Logo
By ALAN COWELL

The logo for the 2012 Olympics has been compared to a swastika and has been said to provoke epileptic seizures.

Full Story Here.

Random, Funny, Apolitical Photos of the Day

Think about it....

This is a DVD Rewinder. This actually exists, so don't knock it. Some guy had his own DVD rewinder store, selling this for 15.95 (on sale).

God the Japanese are so cool. What better way to rest your wrists than sticking them between two breasts on a mousepad. I know you want one, so buy yours here: Azumi Gel Busty Anime Mousepad

Biking Brilliance

Forgotten Candidates

Sometimes I don't root for the underdog. But with Ron Paul about to be on the Daily Show (or was on the daily show, if you're on the east coast), I was thinking about the underdog candidates in this year's presidential election. The Republicans have Paul, who has been making a killing online - if not in actual polls - ironically because he is a socially liberal Republican (are these still the 30% of individuals who like Bush?). Democrats have Bill Richardson, and possibly Chris Dodd and Kucinich. Should we count these people out because they are far behind? In fact, maybe we should, since (at least for Democrats) there seems little possibility that John Edwards, Barack Obama, AND Hillary Clinton all lose poll numbers with such a fervor that one of the 4th or lower candidates rises to the top. Maybe if it were only two... And that's too bad, because I like Richardson. And the rest of them for that matter.

But it still seems a little early for MSNBC and CNN to completely ignore the other candidates except for some post-game interviews. After it is over, don't talk about how well Clinton, Obama and Edwards did. Talk about how they all did. Be inclusive. We watched the debate, and we will see the video of it afterwards on YouTube or read about it on blogs - but I want to know how everyone did, and how the critics/pundits thought about all the candidates. Wait until people start dropping out (I'm looking at you, Jim Gilmore) before focusing on the top. You have over a year.

"And the stone that sits on the very top of the mountain's mighty face - Does it think it's more important than the stones that form the base?"
- "Through Heavan's Eyes" - Price of Egypt

A Political Cartoon for the Day

So true.

Abuse and Incompetence

... in the fight against global warming, says journalist Nick Davies of the Guardian.

The Clean Development Mechanism (CDM), which is supposed to offset greenhouse gases emitted in the developed world by selling carbon credits from elsewhere, has been contaminated by gross incompetence, rule-breaking and possible fraud by companies in the developing world, according to UN paperwork, an unpublished expert report and alarming feedback from projects on the ground.

Three of the companies (of only 17 in the world) that monitor carbon credits have failed spot checks, and up to 1/3rd of the credits in India were wrongly approved. In one organization's case, the findings "were so bad that the board considered suspending its right to work."

An inside source told the guardian that there were "all kinds of basic errors which make you wonder if they have any idea what they're doing."

[An expert adviser] found evidence of projects supplying false information which was then accepted by the companies who were supposed to check it. In one case cited in the report, he accuses an Indian company of making statements which were "blatantly false".

The Whole Story Here.

Jack Kevorkian Released From Prison

Kevorkian had been in prison since 1999, for one of the many assisted suicides he was involved in.

What do Liberals/Conservatives, Democrats/Republicans think of the issue? The Kevorkian debate was long before my time. When he was in prison, I wasn't old enough to vote, and I haven't formed an opinion yet.