The Fake News - George Bush Tells the Truth

Fake AP - 12/14/2006 - 10:17 PM

Breaking News -

In an unprecedented interview with Bill O'Reilly on Fox News on Thursday night, President George Wtf Bush tells the truth for the first time in his presidency. "I just felt it was time." Mr. Bush said. Through visible tears, Mr. O'Reilly - a conservative Republican and long time concubine to Mr. Bush's testicles - covered everything in his presidency, from No Child Left Behind to No Money Left for Children. From Domestic Spying to the War in Iraq.

"It all started," He said, when asked why he lied about the war in Iraq, "when I found out that I had the penis size of a six year old girl. I knew that the only way to give the impression of girth was to start a war, and I figured 'why not Iraq?' The whole country is made of sand, and it reminded me of making love to Laura.'"

O'Reilly, visibly shaken, tried his best to find a question that Mr. Bush could answer proudly, but to no avail. "Mr. President," he asked "What about 9/11? Surely you did not cause that?"

"Of course not! I had nothing to do with that!" Mr. Bush said, unbuckling his belt to prepare early for his daily Fox News fellatio. "In fact, even after I heard a few months earlier where, when and how it was going to happen, I made sure that I continued to have nothing to do with it!"

On the subject of the poor, Mr. Bush spit on the floor and laughed. Nothing Mr. O'Reilly's suprise, he added "Listen, there is one thing I know. I'm an American, and I'm a Republican. I may have 'experimented' with drugs and homoness in college, but my God loves me. And I know this because he told me."

Composed, Mr. O'Reilly said "yes, we all feel God's voice and that is why we know we are right."

Mr. Bush slapped him across the face. "Feel his voice? No, I mean he talks to me. Through my dog, Barney. He isn't as scary as you'd think, his voice sounds a lot like Cheney's."

"Mr. President, when you got elected in 2000, you promised the American people..."

Mr. Bush slapped him again, "When I got elected? I never got elected, don't you read the news? I thought you were a reporter. This interview is over." And he skipped towards the camera while singing it's raining men and pushed the camera away. Mr. Bush has long been credited for ruining the world.

In unrelated news, two Fox Newscasters were found dead Thursday night. Sean Hannity shot himself in his dressing room and Neil Cavuto's head exploded.