My Love Affair With George W. Bush

Dear Mr. Bush,

What happened with us? You don't call, you never write... Have you forgotten our time together? Have you forgotten how much we meant to each other? We shared that special day together... Gosh, I remember it like it was yesterday. It was almost Thanksgiving, and I caught you glancing at me across the room. Ha, what fools we were. I wandered over, "clucked" in your direction. You smiled that loving, blank faced smile as if you had no idea where you were anymore. Like I was the only person on the lawn. America doesn't approve of homosexual intraspecies love but we didn't care. Pretty soon it was just you an me, and no one else mattered.

That day I gave you the greatest fellatio you had ever received. You liked it so much, you pardoned me. Then, that night, after Laura's face cryogenically froze itself for the night, we went up to the Lincoln bedroom and made love five times that night. Heh, remember? My snood was so sticky!

But, as time passed, the letters stopped coming in. Soon the phone calls became sparse, and Bill O'Reilly grew less and less jealous. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months. I haven't heard from you in so long. Did our time mean nothing to you? Accuse me of being unpatriotic all you want, but you, sir, are a fraud. You take and take and take until there is nothing left. It's not supporting Al Queda to want a to talk now and then. It's doesn't embolden the terrorists to expect a little appreciation.

Well, this bird will squawk for you no more. I am not just your play turkey, and I'm not your "little Frito Bandito" anymore. I don't care if you get the whole United States Army to bring me flowers anymore, you'll never be fondling this booty ever again.

With Love Sincerely,

Turkey