Fake News - 20,000 Troops Fixes Iraq - Mission Accomplished

CR-AP Wire - 02/10/2007 -----

President George Walker Bush successfully solves the Iraq conflict. Just one month after his historic speech, announcing his brilliant and complex Iraq Strategy despite protests by the majority of Americans, the United States has completed the war with Iraq.

In a speech given this morning to the Conservative Republican Associated Press (AKA - CRAP), President Bush announced the completion of Mission Accomplished in Iraq. "We won, plain and simple. Just as I knew we always would," He said with his trademark grin, "my plan of waiting until the most opportunistical time worked perfectly."

Critics of his strategy back in January argued that simply sending 20,000 more troops into a country in chaos was not actually a plan. That instead it was a ploy to make it appear that he had made a change when in fact he had simply increased what had become an arbitrary number of soldiers fighting an unclear objective without so much as a roadmap let alone a specific strategy or mission.

Boy, were they wrong.

"See what the American people forgot is that things in Iraq have changed." Said the President.

"Like what?" Asked a chorus of eager reporters.

President Bush grinned again. "Well, for one, we not only have more troops in Iraq, \we also have less Iraqis. Hundreds of thousands less. Ya see, it's about thinking mathmaticianly. We have less Iraqis to protect, so we send in some more Americans to spread freedom to the Iraqis that are still alive and we solve the equator."

"The equation, Mr. President?" Asked a reporter from the Kansas Intelligencer-ish.

"That's what I said, the equation. We add numbers, they lose numbers, and the scale evens out."

Democratic pundits and bloggers were left speechless.

"We had assumed that blindly sending a small number of troops into a civil war with no objective under the direction of an incompetent impotent idiot would be a recipe for disaster. Who knew?" One liberal blogger said under the condition of anonymity.

Bush responded to this with his usual confident manner: "Ha, what a moron. I'm not blind."

Indeed, Mr. President. Indeed. Mission Accomplished.